Real or Not Real?

(Points to you if you get the literary allusion in the title.)

Dear Various Neighbors in the General Vicinity:

What's with the random stone/plastic animals in your yard?



Do you really want people becoming distracted while driving past your house?

"Look, deer! Wait, is that a real deer? Is it moving? Honk the horn!"

Or,

"I almost stepped on the biggest toad - oh, never mind."

"Look at all those geese! Wait, they're stone."

"What a cute little bunny rabb- stop laughing; it looked real!"

What are these sick games you like to play? What is it about placing fake animal statues in your yard that you feel creates the perfect atmosphere? What is the thought process behind this? Oh, you know what this yard is missing, honey? A plastic dog sitting here on the porch next to the tomato plant! Let's go to Walmart!

While we're on the subject, how about those creepy dolls that look like little children pressing their faces into the wall? Do you know the ones I mean? Who thought this was a good idea - do the same people who have yard animals have corner children? Why is that cloth child crying against your wall? Should I be at all concerned?



Thanks for your consideration. Remember, there's nothing wrong with traditional flower beds and stepping stones.