Confidence, Procrastination, & Footnotes.

Confidence is a fickle, fickle friend.

I've either got it or I don't got it. It's amazing how much my environment influences my feelings of confidence. One minute I'm top of the world, the next minute I am worthless.

Let's not dig too deep into this psychologically, let's just think a bit on how my confidence blooms or wavers when it comes to schoolwork, shall we?

Yuck. Schoolwork.

I promise you I used to be more focused when it comes to work. I blame the internet. Now suddenly I can't concentrate unless I have music playing, 17 windows open on Google Chrome, and a snack. Seriously, can I not work on a paper for more than ten minutes without having to read a blog post or refresh my Facebook?

Seriously. I am writing this blog post as a way to avoid an assignment. This is real.

And speaking of confidence (wow, off topic much?), I am always always always second-guessing myself when it comes to assignments.

"I've got all the time in the world!"

"I will never get all of this done!"

Sometimes "working on schoolwork" is really just me studying my calendar and planning how long I can put things off.

I go back and forth all the time. I will accomplish something and pat myself on the back, plan out the rest of my week, and feel good.

Then two hours later I am having trouble with my internet connection and realizing that APA citation style takes longer when you can't do it free on easybib.com. (Why different citation styles, why? I used MLA throughout my entire college career and now, out of nowhere, come footnotes?? Are you kidding me?)

My confidence is very fragile, apparently. I try with my lists to stay organized, but I give myself minor heart attacks when I all of a sudden think maybe I've forgotten to submit something. The nightmares aren't helping, either. Why are all my dreams about forgotten assignments? Am I that much of a nerd?

*Sigh* Okay, back to work. I've got a paper to write.

On the other hand, these fingernails aren't going to paint themselves.

Source

Speaking of footnotes, I sort of hate when fiction books do this. The author thinks it would be fun to interject random thoughts speaking as the main character, but it drives me bananas. Because I have to read every one. I have to.

Summer + School - Books = Does Not Compute

I have a sad addiction to new books.

I mean, I work at a library. I see all that new stuff coming in, and my fingers itch to turn pages. Celebrity memoirs, health fads, picture books, the newest YA dystopian novel...I'm not super discerning when it comes to books.

Cruising the online library catalog is something I just can't keep myself from doing. I place holds like nobody's business! I have been known to have up to 70 items on hold at the library. Mostly new things.

So I just had to suspend my holds (about 50 now) since I'm too busy. Busy at work, busy at home, busy with school.

Too busy for new stuff.

Too busy for the latest in the series. Too busy for the blockbuster that was just released on dvd. Too busy for the latest paleo cookbook (I have dabbled).

When I am too busy for new library stuff, my life is topsy-turvy!

Everything is suspended for a month. Let me get myself together!

I remember my first summer working full-time. I was like, what is this "work" when the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the ice cream cones are dripping on the hot pavement?

Now this is my first summer working full-time and taking classes.

My head says GET TO WORK YOU BUM while my heart says the hammock in the backyard would like to speak with you. right now.

I will push through. I will! But I've got to make tough decisions to stay focused. I must place my addiction aside.

And I say to myself, good luck with that.