An Introverted Summer (Hint: I've Been Reading a Lot)

Aaaahhhh....

Please excuse my absence last week. I was breathing a sigh of relief and celebrating the fact that I am officially DONE with my summer classes and DONE with one year of my graduate degree! One year down, one to go!

So, I've got a couple weeks of freedom (well, as much freedom as a full-time employee has) until the fall semester begins.

That means, it's time to reread Harry Potter! I am currently on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Hello Marauder's Map, Remus Lupin, and Crookshanks. I've been trying to catch up on other books, too. Time off from classes = more time to read! (Since I am studying to be a *real* librarian, this is not lame. It is professional development.)

Since my vacation is long over, summer has been a smidge dull.

Not quite as horrible as Harry's summers with the Dursley's, but dull nonetheless.

A bright spot this past week was a party with friends. Outside games, delicious food, hilarious conversations...the kind of fun that I don't get to have too often. It made me miss college, when I always had people to hang out with.

As an introvert, it's always been easier and more comfortable for me to relax by being alone. However, introverts get lonely too! I have come to appreciate my time with friends, as it seems opportunities are rare these days.

ANYway, we had a bonfire at the party, complete with roasting marshmallows. It was perfect for a chilly night (what is up with this August cold??), except for the sparks zooming and crackling towards me. Yes, I am a fire wimp.

You may be surprised to learn this, as I have such a sweet tooth, but I am not really a huge fan of marshmallows. Happily, there is yet some junk food that I can resist. Even marshmallows roasted to a perfect golden brown.

Of course, I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home. Social interaction is draining! But it was just what I needed. It's been great to get out and relax without the pressure of assignments due. I've been catching up with friends with phone calls and Skype, and it feels lovely.

So here's to summer! To Harry Potter! To friends, to fun, and to a break from classes.

Now I'd like some warmer weather, please.

Source

Mrs. Darcy

I know I keep writing about introverts. Deal with it. I'm trying to space these posts apart.

I've had a revelation.

Darcy is an introvert.



It's so obvious! There I was, rereading Pride and Prejudice for book club, and suddenly the pieces just clicked into place.

In the past when reading the book or watching the movies, I tended to see Mr. Darcy how Elizabeth did at first. I never considered his personality. However, introverts have been on my mind recently, so it's all clear now!

Poor Darcy, everyone thinking he's so full of it. I know people have thought me stuck-up before, since I tend to remain aloof. Things are happening inside introverts' heads, people! They may choose not to engage in meaningless conversation at social gatherings! And here's Mr. Darcy, choosing not to dance (though the gentlemen were scarce...) because his preference would be to have quality conversation with people he's already familiar with.

Um, let's see, how am I at parties...quietly in the corner, duh! Having a good time in my own way, or else escaping since I'm out of my element. Darcy, you're like my kindred spirit.

In the beginning of the book, Darcy is contrasted with his friend, Bingley. While Bingley finds friends wherever he goes and is basically the life of the party, Darcy is generally disliked and thought to be haughty. Bingley is the extrovert and Darcy is the introvert.

Hey, they're both great characters. And they need each other! After all, Bingley talks to many people with much ease, but Darcy is his most trusted friend. We see this when he takes Darcy's advise when it comes to Jane (side note: poor Jane, hiding her true feelings and not making it completely obvious she was falling for Bingley! introvert alert?).

Introverts are often misunderstood, especially because being an extrovert seems to be what's popular and desired. Darcy is misunderstood due to his quiet nature and judgments of people. He doesn't try to be more extroverted to fit in, he is who he is and doesn't seem to care when people criticize him for it. In Pride and Prejudice, people in Darcy's social circles were expected to be fun and talkative at parties. People who weren't were seen as awkward, and avoided.

"'I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,' said Darcy, 'of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.'"

I just think it's cool. I have not the talent either, Darcy. It's something I've just got to practice. Like Elizabeth said, she has to practice the piano because it's not something that comes naturally to her! Be who you are, but also pay attention to how you may come across.

My New Favorite Blog

Hey guys!

So recently I got connected with the writer of Introverted Blog, Joyce Akiko. Yup, it's exactly what you think it is. A whole blog devoted to introverts!

I can't get enough of the whole introvert subject, as you have probably figured out. I love especially reading other introverts' thoughts. Introverts tend to be good writers, you know...

Anyway, Joyce was kind enough to invite me to write a guest post on her blog. It's posted today! Check it out below.

http://www.introvertedblog.com/

I definitely recommend following her blog, especially if you're an introvert. She has good thoughts and practical suggestions.

Also... this is my first guest post! I'm a blogging celebrity!

INFJ

Ever heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? If not, read about it on Wikipedia (yay reliable sources!) here. Take an unofficial free online quiz to get your type here.

I know, I know. I write about being an introvert a lot. Well, I've been thinking recently about other aspects of my personality after reading an entire blog post about my Myers-Briggs type, INFJ. You can read that here. Apparently, it is the rarest type, containing about 1-3% of the population.

It was fascinating to read another person's writing on her personality and see it match so perfectly with mine. I've accepted the fact that I'm an introvert, but I've recently been having a hard time with the way that I am when it comes to making decisions.

For instance. I feel things very deeply. I am sensitive. I get hurt easily. I worry about what others think of me. I worry about other people. I hurt for other people. I wonder how my decisions will affect other people.

I have a difficult time stepping back and being logical, because I am feeling so much and wondering how other people feel.

This is a result of my last two letters, FJ. They stand for Feeling and Judging. I'm empathetic.

I've always sort of felt that this is a character flaw. I'm jealous of people who are more logical. Who don't seem to care what others think of them. Who don't worry. Here I am, taking on other people's problems as well as my own while over-analyzing interactions. Playing conversations over and over again in my mind, hoping that I come across well.

Goodness, even my blog is careful. I write to entertain, to make people smile. I stay away from controversy and my posts aren't typically very deep. If you're looking for personal thoughts and deep reflections, you've come to the wrong place. I don't easily "put myself out there," especially to a bunch of people that I don't know online. I'll share more one-on-one. Once we have built up a great deal of trust. The last thing I want is to be criticized when it comes to my thoughts and emotions. So I'm careful.

It was very comforting to read this post about this other INFJ woman. She understands what it's like to keep people at a distance. To choose not to share my true feelings, except to a very few. Under very special, specific circumstances.

It's kind of funny, caring about people so much from a distance. It might appear that I'm unconcerned. But I notice people's feelings more than I notice what color eyes they have. (Seriously, I don't know anyone's eye colors.)

When I was little, I remember having to leave the room while my family was watching a movie because I knew a certain part was coming up. It was a part where a character was embarrassed. I don't remember the particulars, but I remember feeling so strongly this character's embarrassment that I couldn't even watch it play out.

So it can be hard interacting with people. I'm an introvert, and I'm sensitive, and I care deeply how others feel and perceive me. This is especially difficult when I disagree with someone, as I despise conflict. However, I am able to identify with others. I know what I believe and I may disagree with you, but I can put myself in your place. And if it turns out I'm wrong about something, I'm mortified. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone, because I know how much I fear being hurt.

Wow, this is sort of deep. But it feels good to think through it, then write it down. And share it, cautiously, with you.

I'd encourage you to find out more about yourself. Really think about how you make decisions, how you interact with others.

And let me know your type below!

 

Speak Softly

Sometimes you read something so profound, it's as if someone has reached into your mind and written exactly what you were thinking but have not yet been able to express.

"I realize it's not true that I'm no longer shy; I've just learned to talk myself down from the ledge. By now I do it so automatically that I'm hardly aware it's happening. When I talk with a stranger or a group of people, my smile is bright and my manner direct, but there's a split second that feels like I'm stepping onto a high wire. By now I've had so many thousands of social experiences that I've learned that the high wire is a figment of my imagination, or that I won't die if I fall. I reassure myself so instantaneously that I'm barely aware I'm doing it. But the reassurance process is still happening - and occasionally it doesn't work."

This is an excerpt from Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It's a fascinating book, whether you're an introvert, an extrovert, or feel that you have qualities of both!

As I've written about before, I'm definitely, positively, precisely an introvert. When I read this part in Cain's book, I knew I had to write a blog post about it.

Because it's exactly how I feel! I used to be pretty painfully shy. I blushed. I sweated (perspired? glowed?) I got nervous when speaking with people. I avoided conversations and gatherings of people.

Guess what? I still do all these things. But I deal with them better.

I've learned to talk myself down from the ledge. I've gotten so used to reassuring myself that it almost seems natural.

Almost.

And then I sense the hint of panic in the back of my mind. I feel as if I'm looking at myself from somewhere outside of my body. I remember how unnatural it feels for me to be bold and confident. I fake it so well I nearly fool myself.

But deep down, I'm an introvert. I'd rather not have many conversations, especially about meaningless things. I may appear to be extroverted, especially at my desk job at the public library, but it's me adapting to who I feel I need to be sometimes.

Practice makes perfect, as they say. I've learned what people expect in social situations. I'm not ten years old anymore; I know it's not acceptable to speak softly and to not look people in their eyes.

"my smile is bright and my manner direct, but there's a split second that feels like I'm stepping onto a high wire." Haha!

Tricked you.

Back Behind the Library

I'm tan.

Seriously, look - well, you can't look. But imagine. Someone who is usually pale and is now tan! Wow! I am impressed with myself.

I burned my way into quite a lovely tan this summer. This was partially due to Shakespeare in the Park. Also walking in the Memorial Day parade. Several long hot days of sunshine that toasted me right up.

To give credit where credit is due, let me also take a moment and thank my lunch hour. Couldn't have done it without ya!

Every day at the library I get an hour for lunch. On days when I work the evening shift this is actually dinner. But we still call it lunch. I just go with it.

And now finally that it's beautiful outside, I love to go and sit in the back of the library. It's secluded. There's no patron parking back there. No one bothers me. It's very important to me to have some alone time in the middle of my work day to get my introverted self recharged.

And how lovely it is to sit in the sun on a chair behind the library! There is also a hillside that I have practically fallen asleep on. Sitting in the grass can be fun as long as you don't think about how many ants are crawling all around you. I listen to podcasts, read magazines or books, and generally rest. Oh yeah, and eat my lunch.

My lunch hour is perfect; I go back into the library ready to handle the summer rush again (Sometimes randomly picking grass out of my hair). And I've been getting more and more tan. Score!

Happy Working Song, Whistle While You Work, Etc.

Cleaning is very gratifying work.

Sure, a lot of the time I don't feel like it. But it can be very peaceful and calming. If I'm stressed, or I have to work through something in my head, I clean. If I've been sitting around for a while and need to bounce up and move around, I clean. And obviously, if something needs to be cleaned, I clean.

As a girl and as an introvert, I think a lot. Too much. At any given moment you'd find me overthinking, analyzing, evaluating, worrying, obsessing, processing, etc. It helps to have something physical to do while I'm thinking. This would also account for exercise, playing with rubber bands, cracking my knuckles, stuff like that. So why not do something useful while I'm thinking, like cleaning?

It feels good to make something clean. I work and I see the benefits of my work. Just me and my brush. Or cloth. Or elbow grease.

Cleaning is also a good opportunity to sing. Loudly. With or without accompanying music. Helpful songs may include the working songs from Enchanted or Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. But if you have helpful woodland creatures who would like to assist, you might want to rethink that plan.

Seriously? You don't need deer licking the plates before a bunny dries them with her tail. And then the squirrels pop them back in the cupboard? I don't think so. Highly unsanitary. I recommend old-fashioned soap and water.

Why are you still here? Get out there and clean something!

A Different Version of Myself

I am not naturally outgoing.

I have to work at it. And it is work.

Being an introvert, my inclination is to hang back and listen. Speak up only when I actually have something to say. Not seek out conversations with strangers. Stuff like that.

But occasionally, I'll be in a situation where I need to be extroverted. I need to take control of a situation and become more talkative.

This is usually because I am with a person or two quieter than me. Like, if I'm the leader of any kind of group. Or I'm trying to help people feel more comfortable. When I'm with those kinds of people...shyer, younger...I have a tendency to suddenly become the life of the party.

I talk so they don't have to. I ask questions and give my opinion and take charge. That's not necessarily my inclination, but sometimes I just do what has to be done.

And let me tell you, being extroverted is an EXERCISE for me. It's like I'm running on adrenaline. My mouth gets dry from all that talking and I can almost see an energy meter dropping until nothing's left.

I can go all out to make quieter people feel included. But it is stressful. And mentally draining. And I tend to feel like the life was just sucked out of me when I have to be an extrovert for a few hours.

That's when I have to do my introvert thing. When it's all over, I just have to go somewhere by myself and recharge. No talking. No smiling. Just thinking. What a relief!

How do some of you do it all the time?!

Look Deep Into My Eyes

Will someone please tell me I am not the only one who does this?

Picture this: You're in a conversation with someone. This person is doing most of the talking, while you are attentively listening. Suddenly, you realize you haven't been listening.

You realize that you have been trying to figure out where to look. You haven't even heard a word for the last three minutes. Instead, you have been looking at different spots on the person's face. Each eye, the nose, the mouth...

And then you REALLY can't concentrate because you don't know where to look.

You try to casually alternate. Spend five seconds looking at a point just beyond the person's head, look down then up, hang out at the chin for a while...

One of my earliest posts on this blog was about being an introvert. One thing I talked about was that, as an introvert, I need to hear something and then process it. If I keep hearing and hearing and hearing my mind starts to kind of glaze over. And I kind of forget to keep listening.

And then I get self-conscious when I'm not listening. Like, what am I actually doing while I'm listening?

Hence the staring games.

So, anybody else? Or am I alone in this oddity?

Commence reassurance.



Now cats, they have staring down to a science!

Chocolate for Your Thoughts...

So, Day Two of my Chocolate Fast. I don't miss it too much; it's only been one day...

Strange thoughts sometimes go through my head. And at strange times.

Like at church.

I'm sitting there, wondering what would happen if I suddenly stood up and yelled something. And then I get scared that I'm actually going to do it. Like, hold on there Laura! You had BETTER not stand up and yell out "BUNNY RABBITS!" in the middle of church!

But what if I did? How would people respond?

Honestly, I scare myself sometimes.

Sometimes, when someone is talking to me, my mind wanders. Now, I'm an introvert, so it's hard for me to concentrate if someone's standing right in front of me and talking talking talking without a break for me to process what's actually being said.

So if someone's right in my face talking, I start thinking about where I'm looking. Should I look directly into his eyes? That's kind of weird. At his chin? Nose? Above his head?

Then I start doing a weird rhythmic drifting stare. Eyes. Off to the side. Chin. Eyes.

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Crazy Day in the Life

I had a crazy day at the library yesterday.

We were busy all day and I never really had time to stop and catch my breath. Days like this are good once in a while, but I think I'd go nuts if I worked somewhere that was hectic all the time. The other librarians joke about the library not being an emergency room and no one's going to die... meaning that we shouldn't have to feel pressure. If I worked in an emergency room, I would probably

not. I would not work in an emergency room.

The craziest I want my day to get is to have a kid crying because he has to leave the train table, two library cards I'm trying to register at once, the phone ringing, an overflowing bookdrop, and a patron wondering where the bathroom is.

Seriously? the bathroom? Everyone has to walk right by it to get into the library, yet this is one of the most commonly asked questions. Whatever; at least it's one I can answer. Those are the best kind of questions.

When I get home from work, whether it's a crazy day like yesterday or a normal day, I take an unofficial vow of silence. Being an introvert, I have used up my quota of words for the day. I have smiled until my cheeks hurt, answered the phone until  I sound like a robot, and talked until my own voice sounds odd to my ears. When I get home, all I want to do is sit down, stare into space, and keep my mouth closed.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. We librarians have quite the wild night life. Well, I can't speak for the entire demographic, but as for me? Give me a cup of tea and my socks with little snowflakes on them.

Oh, She's Just Shy

“Introverts today face one overarching challenge – not to feel like misfits in their own culture.”

I read a fascinating article in Psychology Today a couple months ago, and I was thinking about it again recently. It’s called “Revenge of the Introverts,” and it explains the introverted personality in a great way. Please, please, please read it (http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert) and/or my thoughts below.

• “An introvert and a shy person might be standing against the wall at a party, but the introvert prefers to be there, while the shy individual feels she has no choice.”
• I think about things. A lot. In a meeting with lots of extroverts firing ideas around and talking as they think, I get left behind. And then, inevitably someone will feel sorry for me because I’m not saying anything and say, “Laura, what do YOU think?” in this condescending way. Like I’m just sitting there waiting for someone to include me. Honestly! If I have something to say I say it! And you can bet that when I do say something, it will be something I have put a great deal of thought into.
• In groups, I am completely engaged in the conversation. I feel a part of it because I am thinking things through, agreeing with people in my head, and generally feeling as though I am right in there with everyone. But when someone calls attention to the fact that I’ve said very little, it belittles my involvement.
• If an extrovert is standing in front of me and talkingtalkingtalkingtalking... I can’t process what he’s saying that quickly. I’ll get hung up on a certain phrase and, as I’m thinking through that, miss other things he’s saying.
• Just because I’m an introvert, doesn’t mean I don’t like people. But, while extroverts are energized by people, I am energized by being alone, or with few people.
• I love working with people at the library and talking to them about their favorite books and helping them find things. But I don’t seek people out to strike up a conversation. I remember one time hearing an extrovert say how he loved to talk to people because he liked to find what they had in common. I’m fine not talking to people. And a lot of times that comes off as shy or stuck up.
• I remember one night, after coming back from some activity (can’t remember what it was), I realized that I would’ve been just as content to stay at home. I was struck with the fact that I am happy alone. Or in quiet places. When I come back from work, or a party, or a place where I’m talking a lot or socializing a lot, I NEED time to recover. I am physically drained.
• A section in the article lists things not to say to introverts. My favorite is telling introverts how they can be more extroverted, “as if that’s the desired state.” Introverts feel left out as it is! No one should be telling us we’re insufficient because of the way we are.
• Now, I was shy when I was younger. I was scared to talk to people and would avoid situations where I was talking in front of people. But a lot of that was because I was introverted. I just didn’t know what it meant yet. Now, I’m not shy anymore. But I’m still introverted. I don’t seek out people to talk to. I need to rest after being over-stimulated by crowds or lots of talking.
• Just to be clear, I’m not against extroverts. I know they are just trying to be nice when they attempt to "bring me out of my shell," but they genuinely do not understand that I am not antisocial/shy/stuck-up/quiet/lonely...I'm an introvert and I'm okay with it. Introverts make up half of our population. They contribute in ways extroverts never can. So why are they so misunderstood?
• I was blown away by this article. It was speaking right to me. Seriously, if you are an introvert or an extrovert who works with people AT ALL, read this article.