Speak Softly

Sometimes you read something so profound, it's as if someone has reached into your mind and written exactly what you were thinking but have not yet been able to express.

"I realize it's not true that I'm no longer shy; I've just learned to talk myself down from the ledge. By now I do it so automatically that I'm hardly aware it's happening. When I talk with a stranger or a group of people, my smile is bright and my manner direct, but there's a split second that feels like I'm stepping onto a high wire. By now I've had so many thousands of social experiences that I've learned that the high wire is a figment of my imagination, or that I won't die if I fall. I reassure myself so instantaneously that I'm barely aware I'm doing it. But the reassurance process is still happening - and occasionally it doesn't work."

This is an excerpt from Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It's a fascinating book, whether you're an introvert, an extrovert, or feel that you have qualities of both!

As I've written about before, I'm definitely, positively, precisely an introvert. When I read this part in Cain's book, I knew I had to write a blog post about it.

Because it's exactly how I feel! I used to be pretty painfully shy. I blushed. I sweated (perspired? glowed?) I got nervous when speaking with people. I avoided conversations and gatherings of people.

Guess what? I still do all these things. But I deal with them better.

I've learned to talk myself down from the ledge. I've gotten so used to reassuring myself that it almost seems natural.

Almost.

And then I sense the hint of panic in the back of my mind. I feel as if I'm looking at myself from somewhere outside of my body. I remember how unnatural it feels for me to be bold and confident. I fake it so well I nearly fool myself.

But deep down, I'm an introvert. I'd rather not have many conversations, especially about meaningless things. I may appear to be extroverted, especially at my desk job at the public library, but it's me adapting to who I feel I need to be sometimes.

Practice makes perfect, as they say. I've learned what people expect in social situations. I'm not ten years old anymore; I know it's not acceptable to speak softly and to not look people in their eyes.

"my smile is bright and my manner direct, but there's a split second that feels like I'm stepping onto a high wire." Haha!

Tricked you.