Spider Strategy

My eyes wandered as I thought about nothing in particular. I stare into space a lot, surprise surprise, and though my face may look vacant I am actually thinking deep thoughts.

Suddenly, my eyes lock onto a gruesome sight.

Revulsion rises inside of me.

I cringe and look away, then force myself to look back.

Yup, it's a spider.

A big, thick, black spider.

Honestly, what is it about spiders? All the legs? The jittery movement? The past memories of seeing all the eyes magnified in a science textbook?

I'm with Ron Weasley on this one. I have a healthy fear of spiders.

And now, as warm weather causes bugs to start wandering around my house like they're trying to take it over, the spiders will suddenly appear.

My strategy is, first of all, determine if there is someone else, anybody else, that would be willing to kill this spider. Are you alone, or the bravest person in the room? Then it's all up to you, baby.

Now, I can't look away. Keep this in mind: if you look away, it could make a run for it and could now be anywhere. Maintain a visual at all times.

If you have to flee the room quickly for a tissue, back away and keep your eyes on it as long as possible.

Now that you have the tissue, brace yourself. For as long as it takes. Unless the spider starts to move.

Remember, you have to strike like a snake. There's only one chance here as, in the spider's eyes, you transform from skittish human to violent killer.

GET IT! GET IT! GEEEEEEEEEEET IIIIIIIIIIIIT! You got this! Smush it dead!

(Cheer yourself on as necessary.)

Now examine your tissue and you'd just better hope you got it with one strike.

If you didn't, you have made a dangerous enemy. Sleep with one eye open, your mouth closed, and consider investing in a mosquito net.

It's an option. I'm just saying.

Wait a Second. Bunnies Don't Lay Eggs!

It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that Easter is tomorrow.

Technically, it would be hard to wrap my head around anything. What a weird saying!

Anyway, I'm not reaching for my sundress or Easter bonnet quite yet. I'm still wearing my boots. The sun has peeked out, but it seems that there have been snow flurries in the air every day.

It will be a coldish Easter this year, but spring will come. Soon I will walk outside without a coat. I will see flowers. Snow will not cover dead grass; new plants will grow. Bunny rabbits will hop.

I can't wait for picnics in the park, hikes with friends, ice cream cones and the windows rolled down.

To me, spring is hope. New life. Getting rid of the old, the cold, the dead and bringing on the new, the warm, the living.

And that's what Easter means to me too! Hope. Sure, the extra chocolate is nice. The bunny bringing eggs is cute (though it makes no sense). The ham and potatoes are delicious. But to me, Easter is first about the hope of Jesus.

Because of Jesus, I don't have to trudge through life, being afraid and trying to find happiness in things that won't satisfy me. "But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." -Ephesians 2:4-5.

I was dead in my sin. Cold and hopeless. Now I'm alive in Him! I have a relationship with God, and I am loved far beyond what I deserve or understand. My future is not uncertain. No matter what happens, I have hope.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." I Peter 1:3.

Happy Easter! Of course I have to share this video again!

It's the New Small Talk

I talk to many people every day at the library.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Fine, thanks."

"May I help you?"

"Let me get that for you."

In addition to the library talk, there's the basic small talk.

Especially when the computers are slow. You can only pretend to type something so long, that's all I'm sayin'.

And guess what we talk about the most? You get three guesses and the first two don't count.

That's right, the weather. It's hot, it's cold. It's snowy, it's rainy. It's going to clear up. It's going to get cloudy. I forgot my umbrella, I don't need this jacket. Etc.

I basically get all my weather information from library patrons, as I always forget to keep track of what the weather is going to be.

I do get a bit annoyed with people, though, when they can't discuss the weather without complaining. All week it's blistering hot, right? People start complaining. I don't mind because I love summer. And I refuse to complain when I think of how cold I was a few months ago. (And the library has air conditioning...)

And then all of a sudden it rains and cools off and people complain about that, too! What do you want, people?

There are few days when everyone can agree that it's perfect outside. For some it's too hot, for some it's not hot enough.

Eh, just try to enjoy it. Put on a jacket or find some air conditioning.

Ew. Ew. Ew ew ew EW EW EW GET IT!

I'm going to call them "phantom bug itches."

You know, when you feel like there's a bug crawling on you and you look and nothing's there?

I liken it to stories you hear about people losing limbs and feeling like they still itch in lost places...?

Bad example? Probably.

Anyway, this time of year when all the bugs come creeping out from their winter hiding spots, I remember that this is what I don't appreciate about spring.

It's just, suddenly there are random ants and spiders and centipedes strutting around thinking that they own the place. Crawling across the table bold as brass, just trusting that I won't squash them where they stand! Ha!

Actually, they're probably right. By the time I summon the courage, or a napkin, they have usually already vanished into an invisible crevice. And that's even worse, because they're still at large.

So anyway, seeing all these bugs around and occasionally having one crawl on me makes me feel them on appendages even when there's nothing there. Ugh, I hate it! It makes me want to flap my hands and kick up my feet, as my voice goes up several octaves.

Honestly, sometimes I'm such a girl.

(I googled "bug on arm" to find a good picture for this post, and proceeded to almost lose my cookies at the pictures that popped up. So no picture today, friends.)

Real or Not Real?

(Points to you if you get the literary allusion in the title.)

Dear Various Neighbors in the General Vicinity:

What's with the random stone/plastic animals in your yard?



Do you really want people becoming distracted while driving past your house?

"Look, deer! Wait, is that a real deer? Is it moving? Honk the horn!"

Or,

"I almost stepped on the biggest toad - oh, never mind."

"Look at all those geese! Wait, they're stone."

"What a cute little bunny rabb- stop laughing; it looked real!"

What are these sick games you like to play? What is it about placing fake animal statues in your yard that you feel creates the perfect atmosphere? What is the thought process behind this? Oh, you know what this yard is missing, honey? A plastic dog sitting here on the porch next to the tomato plant! Let's go to Walmart!

While we're on the subject, how about those creepy dolls that look like little children pressing their faces into the wall? Do you know the ones I mean? Who thought this was a good idea - do the same people who have yard animals have corner children? Why is that cloth child crying against your wall? Should I be at all concerned?



Thanks for your consideration. Remember, there's nothing wrong with traditional flower beds and stepping stones.

I'm Too Cool for This

Sunglasses. Shades. Sunnies (that's Australian slang - I didn't just invent it).

It's time to bring them out!

Well, unless you've been wearing them all through the winter to protect your eyes. I haven't been. So I found three pairs hanging around my room and now I'm trying to coordinate them so I always have a pair with me.

Ha.

The other day I found two pairs in my purse at the same time. Another day I could barely see and there were no pairs to be found. People have told me to keep a pair in the car always, but I wear them into whichever building I'm going into and then I forget to leave them in the car again. So that doesn't work.

My sunglasses are pretty normal looking. Pretty sure I'll never be able to pull off the big bug-eyed celebrity look. One of my pairs leaves marks on my nose, so that's interesting.

One of the more exciting things about finally getting contacts when I was about 18 was that I could now wear normal sunglasses. Don't get me wrong, those clip-on sunglasses are just as way cool, hip, and with it as a fannypack or socks with sandals, but it was nice to be normal finally. I can slide on shades just as cool as can be, no worries.

Unless I forgot it was going to be sunny all day and I wore my glasses. Which happens more than you might think...

Put on your sunnies and get outside today!

Use Your Elbows!

So when did Easter egg hunts turn into the kids' version of Black Friday?

I keep hearing these crazy stories of egg hunts turning ugly or even being canceled due to the unruly kids and parents! Come on, people.

I know egg hunts are competitive. But let's try to stick to common courtesy! Not to mention, these so-called egg hunts are more like egg races. Eggs aren't hidden, like they were in my day, they're just scattered in fields. In these cases no one's searching, they're just fighting to get to the eggs first! And the parents are egging them on. (Haha, see what I did there?)



It's just silly. Everyone knows kids taking on kids in epic battles for prizes (Hunger Games, anyone?) isn't the point of Easter. Reese's chocolate peanut butter eggs are! Just kidding....

I hope you all had a great Easter with your family and friends. I made a few loaves of makowiec, which is a traditional Polish poppyseed bread. It took a while to make, but it was worth it. I ate about 17 pieces yesterday. Maybe that's an exaggeration. Maybe not. Anyway, I should go into business it was that. good. Want to try it out? Click here for a recipe.





Happy Monday!

Low In The Grave He Lay...

Bunnies. Tulips. Peeps. Eggs. Plastic grass. It's beginning to look a lot like Easter!

Easter is a time of light, of new life, of extra sunshine. Of longer days, of flip-flops, of a bounce in your step. It's a goodbye to winter and a heLLO to spring!

And most of all, it's a time for me to remember Jesus' love, sacrifice, and resurrection...not to mention the incredible HOPE I have in Christ.

No matter what's happening around me, no matter what my mood is or what the weather's doing or if there's chocolate in the house... I have peace with God. And that's worth singing about!




"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinnners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." Romans 5:1-11

We Must Save the Daylight!

So, got a little less sleep this weekend.

No biggie.

I still got up to go to the early service at church which begins at 8 (meaning it felt like 7...) but I put myself to bed early to make up for it. Where I stayed awake for an hour anyway.

It messed with me a little bit yesterday, but boy was it nice to see sunshine for so long. And since I have a later shift at work today I got to sleep in this morning instead. Like a rock.

I'll take a little less sleep if it means spring is coming! Honestly, with the weather the way it is I just want to keep going on walks. Yesterday I wandered around my neighborhood and saw purple flowers! And lots of dead grass, but that will grow.

Changing the clocks in spring is definitely better than changing the clocks in fall. Sure, you might get an extra hour of sleep, but it's the kickoff to coldness and darkness. Yuck.

I hope that wherever you live it's as beautiful as it is here. If you need me, I'll be either outside or inside staring outside.

I'll Be Ready

I'm waiting anxiously for spring. March is a very confusing month, and it kind of makes me crazy. Give me real sunshine already!

A couple days ago the weather was gorgeous, and I had to sit outside and read. I had to sit in the direct sunlight, though, because it was positively frigid in the shade, with the wind blowing and all.

Spring-like weather has me thinking about spring-like activities. So here's a list of what I simply must do when it's *really* spring.

1. Play frisbee. (note to self: learn how to throw a frisbee.)
2. Go on an ice cream walk. (Get ice cream. Go on a walk.)
3. Sit in the sun until my hair gets warm and my nose gets red.
4. Chase butterflies.
5. Chase squirrels.
6. Chase children in the park. On second thought...
7. Go on a hike. Do not complain about the bugs.
8. Look for flowers starting to come up. Encourage them.
9. Spend as much time outside as possible. When inside, spend as much time as possible looking outside.
10. Frolic!

Well, that's good. I always feel more prepared for something when I've made  a list. Now I know exactly what to do when the days get warmer and longer and sunnier.



Who's with me?

When the Wind Blows

Whew. So last week was kind of crazy. I pushed the blog off to the side a bit. Hopefully you were not too lost without it. Well, we're back in business!

The weather has been weird lately. I mean, it's been weird all winter but especially weird now. Rain that smells like spring, birds singing, slushy snowstorms, strong winds...

The strong winds have been not fun. Safe and sound indoors, I still worry about the wind getting me. I know it can't, but it just blows with such gusto!

And in the middle of the night, I'm not awake enough to be rational about it. I'll hear it blowing and it's like the wind is calling to me, daring me to come outside.

Whooooosssshhhhhh, but we'd have so much fun!

I doubt it.

Come on, don't you hear that awesome banging and thumping! That's what I could do with you if you step out onto your porch!

Seriously? You're hurling the trash cans around again? I'm going to have to wander down the street looking for them?

Whooooosssshhhhhh, I'm going to smash your windows and won't that be awesome?

*Gets scared, puts pillow on head, tells head to think logically and calm down*

Whooooooooosssssssshhhhhhhhh

*Imagines entire house being swept up and whisked away, along with cows and telephone poles*

Oh, these wintry springish nights.

Speaking of strong winds, have you seen The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore? It just won an Oscar last night for best animated short film! Check it out below.



By the way, did you watch the Academy Awards last night? I did until I fell asleep! I must see The Artist. I must!

Ugh. Bugs.

Bugs.

The arrival of spring (regardless of how wet and cold and lame it is so far...) brings the arrival of bugs.

They come crawling out from who knows where they spent the winter, crawling out boldly to freak us out.

Which kind creeps you out the most? For me, the bigger they are, the scarier they are. Or if they're super fast. Or they jump. Or they have a million legs.

Actually, I hate all bugs. I REALLY hate most bugs.

If you see a bug on the floor, what do you do?

a) Scream and call for help.
b) Step on it, barefoot or not.
c) Grab random items around you and wrangle it into a container so you can release it into the wild.
d) Just walk away.

If the bug is non-threatening to me, I'll usually trap it into a container and let it go outside. Like if it's a slow little bumblebee or something.

If it's anything super scary, I'll only kill it if there is absolutely no one else there to do it for me. Otherwise, I beg someone else to dispose of it.

Ugh. Bugs.


Okay, this one is cute. I'll give it that.

Rain, Rain, Come and Stay

Who'd have thought I'd love rain so much? Aaaaand, sometimes I don't.

But spring rain? Ah. Spring rain I love.

Goodbye, snow. May you NOT show your unwelcome face around here until December. Because that recent snowstorm was just inappropriate.

No one had better complain about the rain when I'm around, because I am so happy that spring is here!

Spring rain:
1. Smells good.
2. Sounds good.
3. Isn't cold, or mixed with snow.
4. Makes flowers grow!

Hooray for spring rain! And even though some may call it gloomy outside, the wind is warmer and the birds don't seem to mind too much!

Aaah yes, drink it in. The sun will be out soon. But for now, I'm enjoying the rain.

They Are Coming

Well, spring is closer than ever before, I'm pleased to report. Right now, I'm listening to birds outside my window. And. I. LOVE IT!

However, there are some birds I've seen lately that I'm not so happy to see back. Birds that have been flying back north. Birds that travel in big, scary flocks. Birds that are big. Smelly. Loud.

Geese.

I consider myself a pretty brave person. I mean, I'm usually at the very least able to fake it. But the geese can always tell that I am pretty stinkin' scared of them.

The college that I went to has a pond. It's really pretty in the spring and summer - nice to walk around, sit by, take pictures of... But this pond is also home to stupid, ugly geese.

I would be walking around the pond on my way somewhere, and I would come upon this gang of geese. If they were people, they would've been smoking. Leaning up against a wall, looking threatening. Smashing bottles. That sort of thing. But they're geese. They PROBABLY weren't armed. So they just stare, hiss, and then run at you.

I'm not scared. I'm not scared. They're just geese. I'm a person. I'm bigger. Stronger. Faster. Wait - I'm not sure. How strong and fast ARE they? Don't look, don't look...just keep walking. Was that a hiss...don't look...here they come! Okay, now I give myself permission to RUUUUUUN!

So I'm not glad to see the geese back. Strutting around like they own this whole town. Well guess what, geese? You weren't around for the tough times. The months and months of cold and snow and misery. You just flew away and followed the party. Cowards.

Ugh. I hate geese.

This is Just Getting Ridiculous

Spring and I aren't exactly on speaking terms, currently.

I feel betrayed. Like I was promised chocolate and got a pot of dirt dumped on my head instead. Spring poked its little bunny head out a couple times weeks ago, but I'm starting to give up hope that it's ever really coming.

It's hard to believe that, not that long ago, the entire library staff had their faces smushed against the library windows, watching robins hop around in the grass. GRASS, not OLD, DIRTY SNOW.

And now, someone said the other day that we might just go from winter to summer. ExcUSE me? Winter to summer? Thanks a lot, spring. You wet blanket. You destroyer of dreams.

I LOVE spring. I don't want to miss out on it!

I'm just going to continue pouting now.

We're All In This Together, Spring

I feel like spring is holding back just a bit. Waiting for something.

So I feel like it's my duty to call it forth. Here are a couple ideas I came up with to usher spring in quickly:

1. Dress like it's 70 degrees instead of 30. If spring sees that you're ready, it will feel more ready.

2. Ignore the snow. Pretend it doesn't exist. In fact, only acknowledge the melting snow. When you see the water, exclaim, "Spring showers bring May flowers!" and gesture grandly with an umbrella.

3. If you should see a bud on a tree or in the ground, get up really close to it and whisper words of encouragement. Its bravery should be applauded.

4. Eat spring-ish things. Like ice cream cones. Or watermelon. And eat them outside so spring will notice that you are heating up with or without it.

5. Say "Spring has sprung!" loudly and often.

6. Organize a game of frisbee or tag outside. Happy feet running on top of the ground will stimulate grass growth.

7. Avoid "Negative Nancys" who spread cold and gloom everywhere they go. You don't need people around you who believe that spring will never come.

8. Each morning, do the dance of spring. This is different for everybody, but for me it involves mostly skipping.

9. Plant fake flowers outside in the snow. This will encourage real flowers to bloom.

10. Put on your sunglasses and prepare for spring!

Spring Isn't Springing

Yesterday, it was 45 degrees. Maybe more. I promise you.

I know that as the day wore on, the wind began to blow. And the snow began to fall. And the temperature dropped...

But I got a taste of spring yesterday, people! It was exhilarating!

Currently, as winter blows back with a vengeance, as if yesterday's hours of bliss never happened, I am extremely discontent. Because it's even worse, now that I've started to remember what spring is like.

When it feels like winter is all I remember, it's not as bad. But that taste of spring? It ruined me.

Yesterday, I thought about what it's like to turn the radio up in the car, roll down the windows, and feel the sun on my face. I thought about running outside, seeing GRASS, and making squirrels and bunnies flee before me. I thought about taking off my coat and putting on my sunglasses.

*Sighhhhhhhhhhh* It's coming......