Oh, She's Just Shy

“Introverts today face one overarching challenge – not to feel like misfits in their own culture.”

I read a fascinating article in Psychology Today a couple months ago, and I was thinking about it again recently. It’s called “Revenge of the Introverts,” and it explains the introverted personality in a great way. Please, please, please read it (http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201008/revenge-the-introvert) and/or my thoughts below.

• “An introvert and a shy person might be standing against the wall at a party, but the introvert prefers to be there, while the shy individual feels she has no choice.”
• I think about things. A lot. In a meeting with lots of extroverts firing ideas around and talking as they think, I get left behind. And then, inevitably someone will feel sorry for me because I’m not saying anything and say, “Laura, what do YOU think?” in this condescending way. Like I’m just sitting there waiting for someone to include me. Honestly! If I have something to say I say it! And you can bet that when I do say something, it will be something I have put a great deal of thought into.
• In groups, I am completely engaged in the conversation. I feel a part of it because I am thinking things through, agreeing with people in my head, and generally feeling as though I am right in there with everyone. But when someone calls attention to the fact that I’ve said very little, it belittles my involvement.
• If an extrovert is standing in front of me and talkingtalkingtalkingtalking... I can’t process what he’s saying that quickly. I’ll get hung up on a certain phrase and, as I’m thinking through that, miss other things he’s saying.
• Just because I’m an introvert, doesn’t mean I don’t like people. But, while extroverts are energized by people, I am energized by being alone, or with few people.
• I love working with people at the library and talking to them about their favorite books and helping them find things. But I don’t seek people out to strike up a conversation. I remember one time hearing an extrovert say how he loved to talk to people because he liked to find what they had in common. I’m fine not talking to people. And a lot of times that comes off as shy or stuck up.
• I remember one night, after coming back from some activity (can’t remember what it was), I realized that I would’ve been just as content to stay at home. I was struck with the fact that I am happy alone. Or in quiet places. When I come back from work, or a party, or a place where I’m talking a lot or socializing a lot, I NEED time to recover. I am physically drained.
• A section in the article lists things not to say to introverts. My favorite is telling introverts how they can be more extroverted, “as if that’s the desired state.” Introverts feel left out as it is! No one should be telling us we’re insufficient because of the way we are.
• Now, I was shy when I was younger. I was scared to talk to people and would avoid situations where I was talking in front of people. But a lot of that was because I was introverted. I just didn’t know what it meant yet. Now, I’m not shy anymore. But I’m still introverted. I don’t seek out people to talk to. I need to rest after being over-stimulated by crowds or lots of talking.
• Just to be clear, I’m not against extroverts. I know they are just trying to be nice when they attempt to "bring me out of my shell," but they genuinely do not understand that I am not antisocial/shy/stuck-up/quiet/lonely...I'm an introvert and I'm okay with it. Introverts make up half of our population. They contribute in ways extroverts never can. So why are they so misunderstood?
• I was blown away by this article. It was speaking right to me. Seriously, if you are an introvert or an extrovert who works with people AT ALL, read this article.