Mad Skillz

I think I need some crazy skill. Something I can impress people with.

Like a handspring or flip or cartwheel. The problem would be working it into the conversation. If I could do something like that, I would want to show it off every chance I got, obviously.

"Oh wow, my purse is all the way over on the other side of the room. Let me grab that real quick. Be right back."

Hm. Maybe not.

Or I wish that I could make something really creative and unique. Like, if I could knit, I would never have to buy gifts for people! I could just knit them things!

"I know you asked for jewelry, but I thought that you would love this Kleenex cozy that I knit for you! It's the thought that counts, right?"

Maybe my skill could be juggling. I bet that would be impressive at the library desk.

"Here're your books! Give me one second, and I'll stack them for you!" *hums circus-themed music*

Ugh. Why am I so boring? Of course, I don't want to actually put time into learning these skills. I just want to be born with them. It's like when I gave up piano lessons when I was younger. Sure, I know the boring exercises would help me in the long run, but I just wanted to have the talent without the work.

Well, at least I can make pretty awesome chocolate chip cookies. It's more of a subtle skill; not too flashy. I'm just an unassuming librarian, after all.

Why, Hello There!

Answering the phone at the library can be pretty risky.

Oh, most of the time you get your basic questions:

"Can I renew my books?"

"When is this due?"

"What time is this event?"

"How late are you open tonight?"

But answering the phone is still risky. Because when you pick up the phone and ask if you can help somebody, you become responsible. You have to carry through and help the patron until the bitter end of the conversation. Or until you "accidentally" get disconnected...No; I've never actually done that. Just considered it.
So here are a few examples of those more "special" calls:

1. As soon as you see one snowflake gently drift through the sky and fall to the ground, you can bet you'll soon have to answer 37 calls about whether or not the library is still open or if the library still charges fines if patrons can't bring their items in "because of the snow." Get a grip, people! Let's just wait and see! This call isn't so bad because it's short and to the point.

2. "My name is Shkilwenf Nsdfeinkncv." "I was wondering xzcxvi wfaerifj and aoweriwer shmfiwefe." Great. Whether it's a bad connection, a person with a mumbling problem, or a long, complicated name, this call is sure to be challenging. You can fake your way only so far with this call; sooner or later you have to give them an answer. Just pray that by some miracle you'll hit on the right name or solution.

3. It seems to be easier for some people to be rude on the phone. Maybe because instead of being confronted by a librarian's innocent face and friendly smile, they only have a voice on the other line. As soon as you answer the phone, you can tell that they have some kind of problem. Most likely unrelated to the library. All you can do on your side is be pleasant while making faces to release some of the stress.

4. "May I ask who I'm speaking with?" Great. They just asked your name. What does this mean? Are they pleased with the exceptional service? Or will this conversation come back to haunt you? Should you give a fake name? No. Say your name with pride. You've done nothing wrong! As soon as you hang up, though, play back the entire conversation in your mind, just to make sure.

5. You've just assisted a patron over the phone. All of a sudden, the line goes dead. You say "goodbye" to no one. What, does no one practice good telephone manners anymore?

Some of my favorite phone conversations are the random ones, like the woman who called to confirm the spelling of a word, or the mom who needed a recipe for baking pumpkin seeds. It's always fun to talk to someone who is sincerely thankful for the help. Those good conversations make the difficult ones a little easier to deal with. And as for the weird conversations? They just make for good stories.

The Bowl That Is Super

So, the Super Bowl.

I couldn't care less about it, but actually sat through most of it yesterday. I caught up on some reading (becuase I always have piles of books I want to read by my bed) and glanced up at the tv for the commercials. Seemed like a lot of dumb ones this year.

It was funny how left out I felt not going to a party this year. The Super Bowl is so built up that not going to a party and eating wings felt like I was being unpatriotic or something.

I didn't see the end of the game, but according to my Facebook live news feed, the Steelers lost. I have several coworkers at the library who must not be too happy. Hopefully the party we have today including a chocolate fountain will lift their spirits. Because what CAN'T chocolate fix, I ask you?

So now that the Super Bowl's over, we just have to trudge through the rest of February, with the bright spot being Valentine's Day. Unless it's a dark spot for you. In which case...chocolate is there for you.

These were my three favorite commercials of the night.

Volkswagen Darth Vader


Coca-Cola Border


NFL Super Bowl 2011


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I'm So Over You, Winter

Oh, the winter months.

Now that Christmas is a distant memory, winter is basically pointless now. Sure, all that snow that nearly everyone just got was fun, but seriously. It's time for spring.

It's strange how, in the winter, I feel like I don't remember what it's like to try and fall asleep on those hot summer nights. Or what it's like to see grass. Or hear birds. Or smell someone else's barbecue and wish it was yours...

My hands are ready to be warm again.

My eyes are ready to be blinded by the sun again.

My feet are ready to flip and flop.

My bright white legs are ready to be seen by the world - okay, never mind. Forget that last one.

I heard this February is going to be pretty warm. And the groundhog didn't see his shadow, so I think that's a good thing. But whatever; I've never claimed to be an expert in weather prediction or, um, groundhogs.

I'm ready to run outside again! Come on, spring! I'm getting antsy!

And I'm not alone. The library was packed yesterday with people trying to get over cabin fever, loading up on books to make up for the few lonely days they were trapped inside. Seriously. The parking lot was FULL yesterday. We had a snow day and a half, and the community missed us! And you'll miss us more if libraries disappear.

But this post isn't about library funding. It's about spring!

And nothing says spring like those cute little spring-themed M&Ms with bunnies and ducks and sheep... Hurry up, spring!

I Scare Myself Sometimes

For what must be the 78th time today, I raise my bright yellow "tumbler" to my lips, anticipating the tasteless liquid within. I tip back, open wide, and

proceed to spill water down my face. Or choke on it. One of the two.

Honestly, you would think that an action I have spent over twenty years perfecting would come a little more naturally.

"Oh, is this your first time drinking water?"

"Well, no, I've been doing it for over twenty years, I just - "

"I'm sorry, twenty years?"

*silence*

This rarely happens when it comes to other menial actions.

She freezes in front of the faucet, a confused look on her face. "I...I can't remember how to turn it on!"

Come on, now. Drinking water shouldn't be a new adventure. Learning how to run a snowblower should be. Coincidentally, I learned how to use one the other day.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I just learn so many new things each day, my brain can't contain the instruction manuals for those old, practiced actions.

I guess I should do more crossword puzzles so my brain doesn't turn to mush.

Even this little girl has better sipping skills than me.

Snap, Crackle, Pop

I crack my knuckles. So what're you gonna do about it?

I can understand if you are sincerely bothered by it. To some people, I might as well be screeching my nails down a chalkboard or picking my nose. I understand irritation. I try and remember who NOT to do it around.

But those people so concerned about my getting arthritis... Concerned eyes. Halting, sympathetic advice. Honestly. I'm just cracking my knuckles, not running back and forth across a busy street for kicks. If I do that, feel free to admonish me. Google it; there's no proof of arthritis caused by cracking your knuckles.

What else am I supposed to do when I'm bored or nervous? I could be a kleptomaniac. I could be a compulsive cartwheeler.

Besides, I can stop anytime.

I just don't feel like stopping right now...

Heave, Ho!

Because I work in a library, I can usually be found holding a book or two. I carry books around. A lot. And when I do, I like to gather, as my mom calls it, "the lazy man's load."

The lazy man's load is carrying as much as you can at once so you don't have to make more than one trip. So, I lift as many books as I can possibly carry at the same time. I size them up, say to myself, Oh, I can take that, and LIFT them up with a grunt as inspirational music plays in my head.

I like to gather up as many as I can, then stack on a few more.

I have a very balanced method of carrying, which I have perfected over the years. I choose a couple of the biggest books to put on the bottom of the stack, then put two stacks side by side on top of those bigger books, going in the opposite direction. It's genius, I tell you! Genius!

If anyone around me expresses disbelief that I can manage the kind of book load I am preparing for myself, all the better. My library muscles enjoy proving themselves to skeptical-turned-adoring crowd.

Anyone can carry a couple books. I choose to take "the lazy man's load." One trip instead of three. And possibly, if something goes wrong, one spectacular mess to clean up. If I'm going to fall, it might as well be the kind of fall that everyone can go home and tell their families about. I like to brighten days when I can.