Don't Follow Me

I am directionally challenged.

I find my way by turning down streets that "feel right" or looking for "the big tree on the corner" as a landmark.

So when a person comes into the library asking for directions, I freeze, wonder if I should pretend I'm new to the area, and then bring up Google on the computer.

Oh, Google. Have I told you lately...?

Google Maps is the best. thing. ever. I type in the location, and then spin the computer screen around so the person can see and it and I explain the route like obviously I know how to get there, I just thought the visual would be helpful.

Thank you, Google Maps, for helping me appear capable.

Yes, I have gotten lost in large stores before. I get turned around and things look the same. They say to stay in the same place when you're lost, but I will eventually find my way out if I keep spinning around, alternately running and casually walking, and pointing in random directions purposefully.

So please don't ask me any questions about the area I live in. Refer to streets by the stores or restaurants on them, not according to their actual street names.

You know what would probably be helpful? Those big, colorful signs with pictures like they have in the zoo. "BEAVER" with a picture of a beaver. "MONKEYS" with a picture of monkeys. Thank you! I need my own personalized signs. "RANDOM PERSON'S HOUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN," "GROCERY STORE YOU ALWAYS FORGET THE TURN FOR," etc.

Well, getting there is all about the journey, right? Or something like that.