While calling library patrons the other day to let them know they had books available to pick up (that they had placed on hold), I realized how stupid answering machines are.
When I call a house and nobody's home, I get one of four things (unless the number has been disconnected):
1. A typical answering machine.
"Hi, you've reached Bob. I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks, and have a nice day." Do we really not know what to do yet when we hear an answering machine? Oh no, a beep, what should I say?! Please. Everyone says the same thing, and it's annoying to sit through fifteen of the exact same messages in a row. Just say your name, so I know I called the right place! ...I know this isn't realistic. We all have to be polite and say the same thing on our machines. It just gets old, okay?
2. A creative answering machine.
I use the term "creative" here loosely. Pretty sure I've never heard a GOOD answering machine message. But I have heard some different ones. Of course there's the cutesy one where the little kid garbles her words. Classic. Then there's some crotchety old man who says "you know what to do," or gives some random reason he can't come to the phone. There're the ones where everyone in the family speaks. The strangest one was where I heard parents and their daughter yelling at each other before the father saying they can't come to the phone because they're all at a family counseling session. I would not make that up.
3. No answering machine.
How do you not have an answering machine? It's not like phones are a new invention, here. How long does it take to set one up and record a typical message?
4. Full or nonworking answering machine.
Really? You're that busy your machine is full? Or you're that lazy that you can't be bothered to empty it? Better yet, "the person you are calling has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. Goodbye!" Wait - what? Now what am I supposed to do?
I think to avoid the whole mess we should just leave texts as messages. Or send an email! Talking on the phone is so awkward anyway. Leaving messages is just ten times worse.
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