In the Event of a Zombie Attack, Break Glass

I think it's important to have a plan.

This is true in an odd way when I hear strange noises. And start to worry.

I have to be alone for this to work. Alone and slightly creeped out.

Suddenly there's a creak or a BANG or a mooooaaaannnn. And I get strangely businesslike.

Okay, there is a criminal/ogre/zombie/etc. who is trying to break in/find me/kill me/etc. Let's try to think through this rationally. Where is the nearest weapon/exit/person? Who will hear me if I try to scream, or would that just be a waste of energy? Should I change my clothes real quick? Is this really the top I want to be wearing when I'm murdered? I mean, really... Should I try to be a hero and save the day, or simply try not to be taken to "the next location"? According to Oprah, I'm doomed if I get taken to the next location. There're so many more things I wanted to do with my life...

Worrying. Daydreaming. Planning. An overactive imagination. It all stews together in my brain, which apparently has nothing better to work on than escape routes out windows, or hiding places under beds (note to self after seeing Taken: does not work).

The best is thinking people have died if they're late to something.

She said she'd be back at 3 and it's 3:30! She's dead.

He said he'd meet me at 11 and it's 11:20. He's dead.

Might as well think through how I'd like the funeral to go. How sad I'll be having to live without this person for the rest of my life. How different things will be. Don't cry, Laura, don't cr-oh, there she is.

Somebody needs to practice thinking happy thoughts.

Come on now, I'm not sure how some people just prance through life, things just working out without any planning or worrying. I'm positive that all the worrying and irrational planning I do really helps my life work out. Replaying horrific scenarios in my head in the dark keeps me firmly planted in reality.

You really should consider thinking through some of this. It's like a weight is lifted off your chest when you can decide on precisely which emergency supplies you can pull together if you have to flee your house during a worldwide disaster to escape the looters.

Just sayin'.