Hand it Over

Asking for and then receiving someone's library card shouldn't be complicated. Unfortunately, it is.

Here I have helpfully divided library patrons into the 5 library card categories.

1. The Ever-Ready Freddies: If the library card isn't already sitting on top of their piles of books, it's halfway out of their wallets. This is the library, for goodness sakes. Who wouldn't have their card out? It's like having your Bibles out at church or your crayons out at preschool.

2. The Blank-Eyed Bunch: What? A library card? What's that? Do I have one? Where is it? Why would I need a library card in a library? Confused rambling accompanied by frantic searching and child frisking. "Well, Mommy doesn't have it, Tyler, so cough it up!"

3. Switcheroo: These patrons try to give me their debit card, their student ID card, their gym membership card...everything but the one I need. Smart remarks usually follow this exchange. "I guess THAT won't do you any good! Heh, heh."

4. Fear of Commitment: They have their library cards. I can see them clutched in their hands. But for whatever reason, they will not relinquish them until I ask. Maybe they think that eventually I won't ask.

5. The Tossers: This category is 95% children. Not yet able to see over the counter, their only option is to heave up the card with a grunt, followed by Dora the Explorer or Thomas the Tank Engine. I have reserved the 5%, though, for the occasional patron who thinks it's fun to flip the card in the air or slide it on the counter.

It's just a library card. But in some hands, it's anything from a unidentified object to a dangerous weapon. Whatever. Just hand it over.