It Made Sense in My Head

I realized something driving down the road the other day.

I realized that I talk to objects when I want something from them.

Sometimes aloud, sometimes under my breath, sometimes in my head.

In the radio's case, it was out loud.

"Please, play a good song now! I'm almost home!"

Because I was alone in the car, this wasn't weird. But now I've just told you this. Is it weird now?

Other things I sometimes try to reason with are microwaves, computers, printers, and cookies. Cookies can be very persuasive...

I usually have a conversation in my head with the computer when it's slow and I'm standing in front of a patron who's waiting.

Me: Come on, go faster. Someone's standing here and I don't have anything else to say! I already commented on the weather AND the books she's checking out. Work, already!

Computer: Heh, heh, heh.

So far, it's hard to tell if my words work with inanimate objects. My plant, Neville, seems to rejoice in ignoring my soothing words by dropping leaves on my desk out of spite. Whatever, Neville. You'll never wear me down.