Monday, October 29, 2012

The Perfect Frankenstorm

I don't care how cheesy "Frankenstorm" is. I love that name!

I also get excited when I hear a big storm is coming. Will there be snow? Will we lose electricity? Will we have to eat all the ice cream in the freezer before it melts?

So many questions.

Also excited about the potential of days off of work. There is nothing more exciting than an unexpected day off.

So... how about all those people running out to the store?

I went shopping on Saturday and it was totally crazy. On a scale of 1 to Black Friday, it was Christmas Eve. My sister works at a grocery store and she said all day people were crowding in and clearing the shelves of milk, bread, and batteries.

Batten down the hatches, as they say.

I don't know, I feel like if we lost electricity for a few days we'd still be able to survive. Even if we ran out of milk.

Although, if the world ends a couple months early and we never get electricity back and we have to fight for survival in a dark world with possibly zombies, maybe buying a couple extra gallons wouldn't be a bad idea.

Seriously, though, stay safe my readers! Not sure how disastrous it's going to get around my area (I have my doubts). Though for now I'm making fun of the nuts running each other over to load up on foodstuffs, I understand in places it could get pretty bad.

Beware Frankenstorm, Sandy, and zombies. And Happy Halloween! Bwahahahaha!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Blogging for Morons

So it's always a little funny when I'm checking books out to someone at the library and I find, hidden in the stack: Knitting for Dummies. Or, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Auto Repairs. These are intelligent people I'm checking these books out for! Library users!

I can appreciate what the creators of these books are trying to do. I've read some of these types of books before; they're helpful! Basic, easy-to-understand. Lots of pictures and definitions.

But dummies? Idiots? I prefer to not be insulted by the books I read.

So you think I can't read a regular book about flower arranging? I need the Complete Idiot's Guide? Because I'm what, a complete idiot?

Ouch. That hurts.

Seriously, for dummies? Why doesn't the book just sucker punch you in the stomach while it's at it?

Here's what I think. If a person is actually going out and informing him or herself on a subject, that's commendable. Yay for reading, etc. That's super smart of people to read more about things they don't understand. Or would like to learn. Why insult these people?

Sure these books have catchy titles. But who wants to be a dummy?

The best is this book:

Are. You. Kidding. Me. Seniors can't even use Computers for Dummies. It's Computers for Seniors for Dummies. As if seniors don't have enough trouble using computers! They have to get smacked upside the head with this one!

I think we need need a new series with less offensive titles.

Just sayin'.

Monday, October 15, 2012

A Gruesome Halloween

One time I carved a pumpkin.

That's right, one time.

It was a couple years ago. I thought it would be fun. My group of friends together and prepared to rip some pumpkin heads off.

Yes, it was gruesome.

I could almost hear the horror music movie inside of my head as I lifted my carving knife. Was that a faint scream?

By the end of it, we were tired, messy, and in need of police tape. Crime scene, anyone?

Wet newspaper was crumpled all over the floor, and a bunch of dull knives lay scattered about. We had pulled out juicy pulp and seeds, piling them up in soggy heaps.

I had cut and dug and carved and sliced.

My jack-o-lantern didn't even look that good. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to carve one of those guys? I can barely draw a smiley-face, let alone cut one out of a pumpkin.

Not sure if it was worth it. I surveyed the damage inflicted by my hands on an innocent pumpkin and thought, eh, not sure if I ever need to do that again.

And I haven't.

What did the pumpkin say to the carving knife

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Neville's Receding Leaf-Line

I'm sure you've all been wondering how Neville is.

He's still losing leaves, but he hasn't lost his spirit. I thought I was going to have to chuck him, but he's hanging on.

I do still have to pick dead leaves off, but at least they're not all gone.

And, I may have figured out why he's so dejected.

A plant from a neighboring desk seems to be making some kind of move on him. Observe (and tilt your head to the side because I couldn't load the picture straight for some reason):

See, this other plant is, well, flourishing. It's a bit disheartening to me, so I can't even comprehend how difficult it must be for Neville. Here he is, trying to find his place in this world and hanging on by a thread most days, while this other plant actually appears to be coming over to brag about its good health.

I find its gloating to be rather disgusting, really. Here's a closer look:

As you can see, Trevor the frog pot is protecting Neville as best he can. But those leaves are creeping closer every day. This is a very real problem for Neville, who is having self-esteem issues even without having another plant's thriving leaves pushed into his face.

Notice how you can't even see Neville's leaves in this second picture. The few he has are right on top. Like a comb-over.

Frankly, I'm embarassed for him.

So, morale is low on my library desk. Any suggestions on improving Neville's mental health would be appreciated. Short of therapy, obviously. I'm in grad school; I can't afford a plant psychiatrist right now.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

One Man's Trash is NOT the Library's Treasure

For some reason, people think that because we are a library, we will happily take all their junk off their hands.

Let me give you some background:
We have two big book sales a year.
We accept book (and DVD and CD) donations all throughout the year in preparation for these sales.
We are very clear on what we will and will not accept. (for example, no textbooks or reference books)

Sure, we take book donations. But we sell them in our book sale. Do you really think we want to sort through your wet, smelly, or useless material? I love the smell of books as much as the next person, but I do not simply hold onto books because they're books. They're not meant to last forever, people!

That is what the trash is for.

I've had people actually get mad at me for not taking ten-year-old textbooks.

Throw them away.

Just because we are a non-profit organization does not mean we will be weeping tears of gratitude while you try to pawn off stuff that still smells like old attic.

For a sarcastic person like myself, it takes a great deal of self-control to hold my tongue in some of these instances. I almost started laughing when someone tried to give me this pile of large photos someone took of random scenery. Is this a joke? Am I being filmed right now?

Apparently, people would rather feel like they're doing something useful with their junk or crummy books. They would rather take them to the library than stick them out with the trash.

Well, I'm sorry to let you down, now that you've dragged this whole carton of books that smell like cigarette smoke all the way to the library. But guess what?

You might have had trouble throwing that stuff away, but we certainly won't.