RIP Neville

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you all of Neville's passing.

Neville. You know, my plant.

I tried! Oh, how I tried. He started out as my New Year's resolution and became my stalwart library desk companion. But the dry environment of the library office got the better of him and he just couldn't make it.

Every leaf was yellow. Every shoot drooped. Every fiber of his dying being limply accused me every time I walked by. If Neville could have had the strength to cry out, he would have.

Maybe he did. Who knows? I don't speak plant.

Clearly.

I took a moment to look through previous blog posts about Neville. We've had quite a journey, he and I. In the .23 seconds it took to toss his corpse in the trash can, his brief life flashed before my eyes.

Take a walk down memory lane with me, will you?

I got a plant for Christmas in 2010. I was doubtful he would live very long.

I named him Neville. I was afraid he was plotting against me.

Neville was always very dry. I tried to water him more. One of my New Year's resolutions for 2011 was to drink more water; probably subconsciously I didn't want to be dry like Neville.

Neville was never much of a conversationalist. He was pretty passive-aggressive, come to think of it.

I wondered if Neville would like chocolate poured on him instead of water. I did not try this, as I do not share my chocolate.

Neville became a mild celebrity. Friends actually gave me gifts to "sit by Neville" on my desk. His crotchety personality must have been appealing in an odd sort of way.

The one thing Neville always enjoyed was bathtime.

Neville got taller and taller, and I had to pluck dead leaves off him to keep him healthy.

Neville sprouted from his pot in several places and I wondered if he had a split personality.

One sprout stuck it out and I considered naming her.

Neville met Trevor (note how beautiful his leaves are during this happy time in his life!)

Neville and I celebrated National Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day by...not doing it (Well SURE I regret it now!).

Neville's flourishing neighbor started creeping onto my desk (note Neville's long, thin sprouts and brownish leaves).

So that's the story of Neville. We had a good run. He may have been argumentative, grumpy, unappreciative, and not able to take a joke, but he was my plant.

Taking the advice of my coworker, who is a real plant-whisperer, I finally had to let him go. It was time to face the facts: he wasn't going to get better.

So goodbye, Neville! From dust you were made and to dust you will return.

My little buddy.

Neville's Receding Leaf-Line

I'm sure you've all been wondering how Neville is.

He's still losing leaves, but he hasn't lost his spirit. I thought I was going to have to chuck him, but he's hanging on.

I do still have to pick dead leaves off, but at least they're not all gone.

And, I may have figured out why he's so dejected.

A plant from a neighboring desk seems to be making some kind of move on him. Observe (and tilt your head to the side because I couldn't load the picture straight for some reason):



See, this other plant is, well, flourishing. It's a bit disheartening to me, so I can't even comprehend how difficult it must be for Neville. Here he is, trying to find his place in this world and hanging on by a thread most days, while this other plant actually appears to be coming over to brag about its good health.

I find its gloating to be rather disgusting, really. Here's a closer look:

As you can see, Trevor the frog pot is protecting Neville as best he can. But those leaves are creeping closer every day. This is a very real problem for Neville, who is having self-esteem issues even without having another plant's thriving leaves pushed into his face.

Notice how you can't even see Neville's leaves in this second picture. The few he has are right on top. Like a comb-over.

Frankly, I'm embarassed for him.

So, morale is low on my library desk. Any suggestions on improving Neville's mental health would be appreciated. Short of therapy, obviously. I'm in grad school; I can't afford a plant psychiatrist right now.

Neville's Walkabout

Happy National Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day!

Yes, I'm serious.

Grab that houseplant of yours. The one cooped up inside. And take that little guy for a walk! If it's a big guy, you may need a wagon. Just sayin'.

This auspicious holiday is a good day to update you all on Neville. My work houseplant.

Well, I'm sure he would LOVE to be taken for a walk. Or hate it. Most of the time it's hard to judge Neville's emotions. Truthfully, he would probably not care one way or another.

Neville's a little green around the gills these days. Well, not green. If he was green, he would be more healthy. He's actually a little brown around the gills.

His leaf tips are turning brown. And yellow. And white. Can't be good. And I'm not even a plant expert.

Clearly.

So I'm pulling off these bad leaves every day, hoping that the remaining green leaves will get the nutrition they need and that Neville will pull through. Pull through, Neville! You're named for a Gryffindor, one of the most courageous, I might add!

Fingers crossed and no idea what I'm doing. It's hard being a single mother with no green thumbs to a plant.

Neville + Trevor = Happiness

There has been a recent development in the life of Neville, my plant.

He has a new friend!

Meet Trevor.

This frog pot was found hanging around the library office, and it was offered to me! I stuck Neville inside and he fit perfectly. They were made for each other!

For obvious reasons, I had to name the frog Trevor. Trevor is, of course, Neville's frog in the Harry Potter series. Hooray for Neville and Trevor!

Now I can't be completely sure of this, but I think that Neville looks a little perkier since he has taken up residence inside Trevor. Not as many dead leaves, and generally not as sarcastic and dismal as he has been.

Everybody needs an understanding friend. Neville may have finally found his.

New Life

I am very pleased to announce a new arrival.

She is tiny.

She is delicate.

She is green.

She is growing next to Neville in his pot on my desk at the library.

Congratulations to Neville! He has a baby...or another arm...or something...

I know I haven't written about Neville for a while, but he's doing pretty well. A few brown leaves once in a while, but I pick those right off. I am actually pretty pleased with my mad plant skillz.

Anyway, I must be doing something right, because there is the tiniest little bright green shoot springing up from the dirt. It's all very thrilling.

I must say, though, I'm a little nervous. Will she last? Will Neville drink all her water? Will she be able to grow? Or worse, will she have Neville's temperament?

*Sigh* So many things to consider. Now the question is, what should I name her?

Neville & Friends

I have kind of an awkward problem.

Yesterday, I noticed that Neville had some company. Instead of one plant in that pot, I have four or five popping out.

"Neville? Which one is you?"

With all my pinching and pruning, Neville is a little sleeker than before. A little taller. And now, it's easier to see that there are actually a few different places where he is (they are???) shooting out.

Should I name these other plants? Are they all part of Neville somehow? Does he have different personalities? That would explain the mood swings...

Is it just like Neville having multiple limbs? Is everything connected underneath the dirt?

Goodness. Who knew that owning a plant was so challenging?

I suppose the most important thing now is just being strong for Neville. He needs to see that I won't abandon him, despite his freakishness. He needs to know he has my support.

"I know you're SOMEwhere in that mass of leaves, Neville! And I'll NEVER give up on you."

Pinch Me; I Must Be Dreaming

So I have this plant, Neville. I've mentioned him once or twice. Here and there. Just thought I'd give a little update on his life.

Because of, or maybe despite, all the water I dump into Neville all the time, he's gotten pretty tall. He may be trying to go somewhere or reach something, but that's still to be determined.

My plant-saavy coworkers have given me lots of advice for Neville's benefit. They're probably sick of me whining about him always being dry, yet still leaking water out. I try and give him a drink, and he despises me for it...

Anyway, someone told me I should pinch leaves off Neville because he grows so many. If I pinch leaves off, he won't have as many dead ones. Because he can only suck up so much water. And he only has so many leaves. So less leaves means more healthy ones.

So I'm pinching dead leaves off the bottom half of Neville. So that helps him get taller. I always feel a little funny about it, though. What does he feel? If he could look at me, what would his look look like? Is he screaming silent plant screams? Is it just like trimming his toenails? If he had toenails? Am I overthinking this?

I water Neville. I pinch Neville. I speak to Neville. WORK with me here, Neville! I'm doing what I can!

He's got me wrapped around his little finger. Or, little leaf. Root?

Never mind.

Bathtime for Neville

The title of this post reminds me of those children's books that try to take something scary and turn it into something fun. Like, Elmo Goes to the Dentist or Doctor. See, kids? Elmo takes a bath and doesn't drown. Elmo gets a shot and doesn't get hurt.

Well, Elmo was wrong. You don't suddenly realize that while you were busy worrying you got the shot and never even noticed. You do feel it. And it does hurt.

Anyways...

In the hopes of helping Neville to continue to grow, I've started giving him a bath in the sink every day. Watering him isn't enough, anymore. His leaves need to be splashed.

What would be useful in this case would be one of those sprayer things that are in grocery store produce sections. Every couple minutes - a fresh spray of mist. Unfortunately, there's no room on my desk for pretty much anything else. So I have to rinse Neville the old-fashioned way, like he was a head of broccoli.

The air in the library office is pretty dry, so he doesn't stay wet for while. But temporarily, he looks shiny and fresh, like he's in a tropical rainforest.

I think his leaves are getting longer. But that may just be because he's trying to reach into the drawer filled with chocolate that's right next to him. One false move, Neville...

Chocolate? Fail.

So, I know it's only the end of February, but I thought I'd just give a little New Year's resolution update. Don't pretend like you weren't dying to know.

Go ahead and refresh your memory here, if you're still reading.

Okay, so here's how it's going:

1. Neville is alive, and, dare I say it, growing! I'm still trying to find the balance between bone dry and soaking wet. Harder than you might think. However, Neville has received not one but TWO gifts from two of my best friends. They said the mug with flowers on it and the cute box with drawers were for my birthday. But they also said (separately) that they wanted their gifts to sit by Neville. So there you go.

2. The Bible reading plan is...well, it's coming along. I'm in Levicitus and Numbers so I'm reading things I know I've read before but seem totally incredible. It's tough, but I'm hanging in there and enjoying the challenge! I'm looking forward to Psalms, a book that I have only recently learned to appreciate.

3. I'm drinking more water! And green tea! So, thanks to that, I now get up around 3 in the morning every night. At least, I think I do. Can't say I'm ever really awake. Too much information? Well, I'm drinking lots of water. Don't pretend you don't know what that means.

4. I've upped my long runs to 6 miles. Oof. Amazing Race is on again, so that's a good time to hop on the treadmill and then spend an hour begging myself to get off. And now that I've officially joined the gym, I'm able to use the elliptical and the stair stepper thing. And I'm taking cycling classes. It helps to do different things.

5. Failure. I'm failing. My last resolution was to eat more chocolate, and this week I am sorry to say that I am not doing well. In fact, I haven't eaten chocolate since SUNDAY. I pretty much see it everywhere I go, but have ignored it for five days! Well, this is the fifth day. So I'm succeeding in terms of this week-long goal, but failing in terms of my New Year's resolution. Don't worry, I'm climbing back on the wagon on Monday!

Chocolate Fountain of Happiness

So we had a chocolate fountain party at the library this week.

When I say we, I mean me and my coworkers. My coworkers and me? My coworkers and I? I know it's not I and my coworkers. Whatever.

Anyway, someone had gotten a chocolate fountain for Christmas, and we decided to have a party in honor of such a breathtaking item. And also in honor of Valentine's Day. And also because a couple days before, we celebrated Wear Red Day, to support heart health in women.

Let's just say, we party hard in the library.

So we all brought something to dip in the chocolate fountain. I brought angel food cake. I did what I hate to do, which is bake from a mix, but I wasn't too excited about using 12 egg whites to make the cake from scratch. What're you supposed to do with that many egg yolks? The recipe says, "discard the yolks." I'm so sure. I am not a food waster.

So other librarians brought different kinds of fruit, graham crackers, Oreos, pretzel rods, even potato chips. We stood clustered around that glorious chocolate fountain, dipping everything we could see into it.

"Do you think this would taste good?"

"I dunno...dip it! Dip it! Dip it!"

Never has there been, nor will there ever be a more fabulous invention than the chocolate fountain. The library office smelled like a chocolate factory. I half-expected to be offered an everlasting gobstopper by Mr. Willy Wonka himself. If we had that thing running 24/7, I wouldn't mind at all.

I kept being afraid, though, that I would eat a strawberry or something covered in chocolate and then go straight out to help a patron with chocolate all around my mouth. So much for the cliche librarian. "What? Librarians have fun and eat chocolate? And where're your glasses, by the way? How many cats do you have?"

What a great day. A chocolate-eating day. Which, come to think of it, is every day. Maybe I should've dribbled some chocolate on Neville. I bet he wouldn't spit THAT out.

It Made Sense in My Head

I realized something driving down the road the other day.

I realized that I talk to objects when I want something from them.

Sometimes aloud, sometimes under my breath, sometimes in my head.

In the radio's case, it was out loud.

"Please, play a good song now! I'm almost home!"

Because I was alone in the car, this wasn't weird. But now I've just told you this. Is it weird now?

Other things I sometimes try to reason with are microwaves, computers, printers, and cookies. Cookies can be very persuasive...

I usually have a conversation in my head with the computer when it's slow and I'm standing in front of a patron who's waiting.

Me: Come on, go faster. Someone's standing here and I don't have anything else to say! I already commented on the weather AND the books she's checking out. Work, already!

Computer: Heh, heh, heh.

So far, it's hard to tell if my words work with inanimate objects. My plant, Neville, seems to rejoice in ignoring my soothing words by dropping leaves on my desk out of spite. Whatever, Neville. You'll never wear me down.

Water, Water, Everywhere and Way Too Much to Drink

Some observations I have made about water, which I am trying to drink more of:

1. It does not taste very exciting. Have you ever thought you were going to drink water but it was really Sprite? This is the opposite. I keep hoping it will taste better and it never does.

2. My plant, Neville, also drinks it. When I remember to give it to him.

3. It doesn't taste better if I drink it out of my big yellow cup that I just bought at Target specifically for the purpose of drinking water. And it's even called a "tumbler," not a cup.

4. It isn't a huge problem when (not if) I spill it on myself because hey, it's just water. So...that's good.

5. My skin isn't glowing yet because of it, but I'll keep you informed

6. Isn't there some disease where you become repulsed by water? I think I have that now.

7. Drinking lots of water doesn't make me stop craving more meaningful things like chocolate. Wow, I really want to eat chocolate. I know! I'll drink a huge tumblerful of water instead! Yum, that really hits the spot. I could do this all day! Not.

8. Sometimes I forget to drink it for a few hours, then feel like I have to chug it. That feels like not exercising for a few days, then attempting to run a marathon.

9. Drinking green tea can count as drinking water, since I don't add sugar. It's just water and a green teabag. However, drinking sugarless green tea is like drinking blended grass. Is this really what I've become? My only options are a big yellow "tumbler" of cold water or a mug of liquid plant matter?

10. This post is making me thirsty. Great, all this water and I'm still dehydrated.


Is this glass half-full or half-empty? Who really cares?

Neville.

I think Neville hates me.

Neville is my plant. The plant I got for Christmas. The plant that sits on my desk in the library.

I'm always poking him to see if he's dying. I think he's getting kind of sick of me fussing and clucking over him. But I keep finding little dead leaves on him!

Sometimes I forget to water him, then I try to make up for it by giving him extra next time. But he spits it all out.

I'm doing all I can here, buddy! Work with me!

I'm a little afraid of Neville. I think he senses that fear and uses it against me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he just up and died, just to upset me.

Am I overthinking this relationship?

Hang in There, Little Buddy

I got a plant for Christmas.

I’m taking him in to work today to put on my desk, but I’m a little concerned.

Previous plants I have owned are no longer with us. I tend to not be very... nurturing. To plants, anyway.

I went through a stage when I was younger where I was trying to find something I was really good at. Like a hobby. Or a hidden skill I would make tons of money from.

So I tried plants. This didn’t end well. I even killed my cactus. How do you kill a cactus?!

So now I have this little Christmas plant who is depending on me for survival. That's frightening. Oh second thought, maybe I better not name him. Or get too attached.

Don't love me, little plant! I'm no good for you!