Romance? Yeah, right.

Let me start out by saying: I don't want you to think that we here at the library just make fun of what patrons check out.

Because we really don't. That often.

The thing is, we have regulars. People who are in several times a week and who place holds all the time. We get to know these people. Or, at least, their book and movie preferences.

Sometimes when we get our delivery of items from other libraries in the county and are pulling them out, we try to guess which piece is for which patron.

A huge book on motorcycles? Gotta be for John. Three more Nora Roberts novels? Either Mary or Sue. A brand new movie that is circulating for the first time? Rob. (How does he do it? He always gets things first!)

(*sidenote: names are changed...just in case.)

 And then we have our romance novel-readers. Three regular ladies who we know exclusively get books with pictures of long-haired, bare-chested men holding onto a rope on a ship or bending a corseted women back in what looks like a pretty uncomfortable embrace.

Not my thing. Not my thing at all.

The most I read of these books is their back covers. And why would I only read them to myself when I have coworkers to entertain?

Dramatic readings from the back covers of romance novels can be a truly amusing pastime  I feel that public speaking and theater classes I have taken in the past have helped prepare me for this.

Usually I start off in a low, dangerous tone as I describe the lord or duke who is rich, handsome, and devil-may-care. I move on to the innocent peasant girl whose beauty is only surpassed by her spunk. My tone turns incredulous as the summary goes on to describe a possible romance between these two unlikely and attractive characters. WILL THEY FIND TRUE LOVE?

*rolls eyes*

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Spider Strategy

My eyes wandered as I thought about nothing in particular. I stare into space a lot, surprise surprise, and though my face may look vacant I am actually thinking deep thoughts.

Suddenly, my eyes lock onto a gruesome sight.

Revulsion rises inside of me.

I cringe and look away, then force myself to look back.

Yup, it's a spider.

A big, thick, black spider.

Honestly, what is it about spiders? All the legs? The jittery movement? The past memories of seeing all the eyes magnified in a science textbook?

I'm with Ron Weasley on this one. I have a healthy fear of spiders.

And now, as warm weather causes bugs to start wandering around my house like they're trying to take it over, the spiders will suddenly appear.

My strategy is, first of all, determine if there is someone else, anybody else, that would be willing to kill this spider. Are you alone, or the bravest person in the room? Then it's all up to you, baby.

Now, I can't look away. Keep this in mind: if you look away, it could make a run for it and could now be anywhere. Maintain a visual at all times.

If you have to flee the room quickly for a tissue, back away and keep your eyes on it as long as possible.

Now that you have the tissue, brace yourself. For as long as it takes. Unless the spider starts to move.

Remember, you have to strike like a snake. There's only one chance here as, in the spider's eyes, you transform from skittish human to violent killer.

GET IT! GET IT! GEEEEEEEEEEET IIIIIIIIIIIIT! You got this! Smush it dead!

(Cheer yourself on as necessary.)

Now examine your tissue and you'd just better hope you got it with one strike.

If you didn't, you have made a dangerous enemy. Sleep with one eye open, your mouth closed, and consider investing in a mosquito net.

It's an option. I'm just saying.

Pssst! Carrots!

"If I were very beautiful and had nut-brown hair, would you keep me?"

Oh, Anne. I really have Anne of Green Gables on the brain these days. I need to do an epic rewatch and just get it out of my system. 

Anne (with an "e") has a wonderful imagination. I love her conversation with Matthew in the beginning of the movie, when she keeps talking and talking and switches from subject to subject. She says - 

"I know I'm skinny and a little freckled and my eyes are green. I can imagine I have a beautiful rose-leaf complexion and lovely, starry, violet eyes but I cannot imagine my red hair away. It'll be my lifelong sorrow. 

I read of a girl in a novel once who was divinely beautiful. Have you ever imagined what it must be like to be divinely beautiful? Oh, I have often...." 

I suppose everyone, at times, wants what they'll never have. 

The ironic thing is that when I was a little girl, all I wanted was curly red hair, green eyes, and freckles. 

When I mentioned this the other day my coworker laughed and asked why would I want green eyes when I have such nice blue ones? 

Because I didn't have green eyes! Because I thought green eyes were more interesting than blue! 

I've had changing ideas of how I should look over the years. Different pictures in my head of who I could be, ideally. I've wanted anything and everything from having straight hair to having braces! 

I have awesome curly hair and I never needed braces, but there were times in my life I wanted to check out the other side of the fence. I wanted to look like certain people or blend in better. 

Anne grew up, and so do we all. We hopefully learn to celebrate what makes us each unique. 

Just make it through the awkward, uncertain years. As Mrs. Lynde said, "And don't worry about your hair. I knew a girl once who had hair every bit as red as yours, but when she grew up, it darkened into a real handsome auburn."

See? There's hope!

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Wait a Second. Bunnies Don't Lay Eggs!

It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that Easter is tomorrow.

Technically, it would be hard to wrap my head around anything. What a weird saying!

Anyway, I'm not reaching for my sundress or Easter bonnet quite yet. I'm still wearing my boots. The sun has peeked out, but it seems that there have been snow flurries in the air every day.

It will be a coldish Easter this year, but spring will come. Soon I will walk outside without a coat. I will see flowers. Snow will not cover dead grass; new plants will grow. Bunny rabbits will hop.

I can't wait for picnics in the park, hikes with friends, ice cream cones and the windows rolled down.

To me, spring is hope. New life. Getting rid of the old, the cold, the dead and bringing on the new, the warm, the living.

And that's what Easter means to me too! Hope. Sure, the extra chocolate is nice. The bunny bringing eggs is cute (though it makes no sense). The ham and potatoes are delicious. But to me, Easter is first about the hope of Jesus.

Because of Jesus, I don't have to trudge through life, being afraid and trying to find happiness in things that won't satisfy me. "But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." -Ephesians 2:4-5.

I was dead in my sin. Cold and hopeless. Now I'm alive in Him! I have a relationship with God, and I am loved far beyond what I deserve or understand. My future is not uncertain. No matter what happens, I have hope.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." I Peter 1:3.

Happy Easter! Of course I have to share this video again!

"I Have Nature on My Hands"

It's possible you may have already realized this, but I can be OCD about things.

I'm a perfectionist. I worry. I like things to be even.

If one hand gets wet, before I dry it I have to get the other hand wet. If one foot bumps a step I have been known to lightly bump the other foot. So things are even.

I'm not Adrian Monk, but I do triple-check locks and overthink things.

So keep this in mind when I tell you that I like numbers to be even too. I like things grouped by tens or fives. I round things up or down. And I like to start things on the hour or the half hour.

When I go to the gym, it's not at 6:10. Or at 7:24. I start working out at 6 or at 6:30. At 7 or at 9. Depending on what time I work that day or what time spin classes are at.

And I finish precisely in an hour. It's how I roll!

If I'm doing different things on my own, for instance the elliptical or lifting weights or ab work, I'll transition at fifteen-minute or half-hour marks. Other people wander around at 7:13. Not me! I'll do a few more push-ups and get to the stair-stepper at 7:15. Bam!

It's how I roll. It makes me feel comfortable, like I have a sense of accomplishment.

It's nice when things are even.

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I have been known to sort my candies by color, too.

Avocado Or Avocadon't?

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I know, I know. I write about food a lot now.

Honestly, I don't know what in the world this blog is even about anymore. Chocolate? Libraries? Nutrition? Awkwardness?

Let me be random!

Anyway, I've been trying out avocados.

I'm not a person who has, in the past, claimed to enjoy avocados. I don't even like guacamole. It's so creamy that it freaks me out. Like, what is it trying to prove? I can't just eat an avocado plain. Yuck.

Thankfully, the avocado's creaminess makes it perfect for an add-in. For instance, I love it in smoothies. Chunks of avocado blend up magnificently.

Speaking of smoothies, I've been chucking the most random things in my blender lately. Spinach and squash aren't bad at all if I use lots of sweeter fruits with them.

Yesterday I made a smoothie with orange juice, pumpkin puree, frozen bananas and frozen strawberries, and avocado. WOW. Just, WOW. It was beautiful, orange, and delicious. Smoothies will taste even better when it is actually warm outside and my fingers don't go numb holding the glass.

I've been trying out some paleo recipes and found this one on PaleOMG - 5-Ingredient Avocado Pudding. Amazingness! It just tastes so rich, like it's really bad for you. For someone who doesn't care for the taste of plain avocado, this dessert is perfect because it just tastes like chocolate! I used 2 tablespoons of cocoa to make it more rich, and also splashed in some vanilla. I didn't add chocolate chips. This recipe was also the perfect opportunity to use the sunbutter I got at Trader Joe's. It kind of grosses me out and I just have to add it to things (Have you seen sunbutter? Seriously, it looks like a jar of snot.).

While I'm talking paleo, I might as well share the best banana bread recipe ever. Paleo Banana Bread from Civilized Caveman is just amazing. No flour or sugar or vegetable oil...and still good!

Hungry yet? Go make something! That's what I'm doing today! Homework and cooking...and probably later a walk in the sunshine. :)

Happy Saturday!

The Energetic Librarian

I'm typically in a pretty good mood at work.

In fact, when I'm not, my coworkers tend to get concerned.

I'm a positive person, I have more energy each day from exercise and eating right, and I love my job.

Library patrons really respond well when I'm extra nice and interested in them. I know, I know. Not rocket science. Sometimes it can be hard to do, but it's gratifying seeing people leave with smiles on their faces.

Not to mention that being smiley and sympathetic helps keep people from seeing me as a mean librarian nazi.

For instance, when it comes to:

• technological problems (*ahem* ebooks *ahem*)
• collecting library fines (you only have yourself to blame, but okay)
• tax forms (I hate this time of year...)

all unpleasantness.

But sometimes people just want a listening ear. They want someone to say I'm sorry, I know this stinks. I also am not a fan of the IRS, or the fact that downloading ebooks from the library site is SO MUCH more difficult than checking out a physical book.

I'm getting better at reading people, and being able to judge whether or not they can take a joke.

My favorite is when a person will tell me to keep the change, or drop some change in the donation container and the amount is really tiny. I like to enthusiastically exclaim, as a guy drops one or two pennies in there, that now we will finally be able to add our new library wing!

I know, I know. But I'm the sarcastically hilarious librarian! They can't help but love me! 

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