Sometimes I Scare Myself

Have you ever been sitting somewhere quietly with a large group of people and get the urge to stand up and yell something crazy?

I have.

This church service would be a highly inappropriate place to suddenly scream "Blueberry muffins!" Should I do it? What would happen if I did it?

Then I get scared and think I'm actually going to do it.

Laura, you had BETTER not stand up and scream "Blueberry muffins!" Everyone would think you had turrets or something! Don't do it! Don't do it!

And I feel all antsy, like I wouldn't be able to control myself.

Must...stand...up...and...yell...

transitiontransitiontransitiontransition

Like what I did there? Now THAT'S a smooth transition.

Anyway, my computer is still beyond my reach. It is being repaired, and I do have hope, but I am experiencing feelings of anxiety. It's been almost a whole week since it succumbed to its illness, and my fingers get all twitchy thinking about it. Blog posts may be sporadic this week!

Crazy Days, Part 2

Yesterday was 1. Technological Disasters
Today is 2. Natural Disasters

All caught up? Let's go!

So Tuesday, after all the craziness of the morning (read previous post if you haven't already...) with the computers down, random issues popping up, a policeman showing up saying someone had called 911, etc...I went to eat lunch.

I went to my car to eat, with the windows rolled down, in a secluded area of the parking lot. So I could just chill. At some point I got a weird feeling that the car was rocking back and forth. I looked out the window and tried to figure out why. Wind isn't that strong, right?

I even had the creepy thought that some nut was hunched down behind my car pushing it. Hey, this is the library parking lot. Who KNOWS what could happen? Like, that's all I need. Some library stalker who followed me out to the parking lot. After a few seconds, the swaying stopped so I forgot all about it.

Then I got inside the library and quickly realized from the internet that there had just been an EARTHQUAKE in Virginia. Wait - what? I got super excited that I had actually felt an earthquake, then started checking out news sites online as well as Twitter and Facebook. There's nothing quite like seeing people talking about the news as it's happening. Getting everyone's stories. Hearing the latest developments. Reason #738 why I love the internet.

"Yes, I DID feel the earthquake," I said numerous times, flushed with satisfaction and pride. "You didn't? Stinks to be youuuuu!"

(The picture below has been circulating online with the caption: East Coast Earthquake Devastation. It's a big deal to us, okay?)



Then yesterday, another typical day at the library, I went into the back for a minute and came out to the sound of sirens. What? Fire in the parking lot bushes? Of course.

I checked to be sure my car was a safe distance away, then gawked with the rest of the patrons as a fire truck rolled up. Standing next to me were two adorable little boys who often come to the library dressed as firemen and policemen. This event had pretty much made their LIFE.

Now, I'm hearing rumors of a hurricane blowing through. This is natural disaster week at the library, and we're just clutching our books and wondering what will come next!

Crazy Days, Part 1

What. A. Day.

Two days, actually. This is going to be a two-parter, so hold on to your socks, people. Lots to say!

Today and yesterday have been sort of, well, chaotic. I'm going to divide the events into two parts, the first of which we'll cover today.

1. Technological disasters

2. Natural disasters

Yesterday morning, we swung open the doors of the library to welcome our in our beloved patrons. Meanwhile, in another part of town, the server for all the county libraries crashed. Commence frenzied printing-up of warning signs ("Basically, we can't help you with much today because our computers are down. Feel free to make as many sarcastic 'depending too much on technology' comments as you'd like. Have a nice day.").

So it was a morning fraught with frustration. Teeming with tension. Well, not really. I kind of had fun with the fact that we had such a different kind of morning. I sort of like the craziness. Keeps things interesting. And patrons were, for the most part, understanding.

Then I got home. And I got on MY computer. And all of a sudden, I was not laughing at technology; I was weeping.

Google, my trusted ally, had betrayed me. Somehow I had picked up a virus, and Google kept leading me to sketchy ads. I didn't understand that it was a virus at first, but then I noticed other things on my computer going crazy. And my virus scanner wouldn't open. And strange messages popped up. And I spent three hours staring in anguish at my computer screen, wondering if chocolate would cure it the way it always had me...

My computer is broken. And with it, my life. Not really. But sort of. I'm praying it's fixable, but for now all I can do is find other ways of filling my spare time. Wait - what did people do before computers again?

Soon to come - Crazy Days, Part 2, or Natural Disasters: Who is Shaking My Car?

Shout-out to my "flatmate" for letting me use her laptop to post this!

A Different Version of Myself

I am not naturally outgoing.

I have to work at it. And it is work.

Being an introvert, my inclination is to hang back and listen. Speak up only when I actually have something to say. Not seek out conversations with strangers. Stuff like that.

But occasionally, I'll be in a situation where I need to be extroverted. I need to take control of a situation and become more talkative.

This is usually because I am with a person or two quieter than me. Like, if I'm the leader of any kind of group. Or I'm trying to help people feel more comfortable. When I'm with those kinds of people...shyer, younger...I have a tendency to suddenly become the life of the party.

I talk so they don't have to. I ask questions and give my opinion and take charge. That's not necessarily my inclination, but sometimes I just do what has to be done.

And let me tell you, being extroverted is an EXERCISE for me. It's like I'm running on adrenaline. My mouth gets dry from all that talking and I can almost see an energy meter dropping until nothing's left.

I can go all out to make quieter people feel included. But it is stressful. And mentally draining. And I tend to feel like the life was just sucked out of me when I have to be an extrovert for a few hours.

That's when I have to do my introvert thing. When it's all over, I just have to go somewhere by myself and recharge. No talking. No smiling. Just thinking. What a relief!

How do some of you do it all the time?!

Ho-Hum

Normalcy = Routine

Routine = Comfort

Comfort = Happiness.

And that's that.

I'm one of those people who is completely satisfied with doing the same kinds of thing all the time. Nothing too crazy, nothing too out of the box. I like working the same hours and then doing the same kinds of things to relax when I'm not working.

There have been times when I've made spontaneous decisions, then got really nervous when living with them. When I decide things too quickly, I get scared I haven't thought through all my options.

To me, spending a predictable time with my family or friends is what makes me feel safe and happy. Coming home after work and watching another episode of a tv show I enjoy? I could do that every day.

Routine. It's what keeps me going. Sure, I try to go outside it once in a while. And I have people that push me to. I'm not completely opposed to change, though it's not my favorite thing. I work through it. But I don't think it's wrong to have a good dose of consistency. It keeps me together when other parts of my life get crazy.

All Free Today!

I will never cease to be amazed at how many people still think they have to pay to use the library.

True, you do have to pay for some things in our library. Copies and printouts. And I know that other libraries have had to charge for people to rent movies if they're not doing well financially.

But in general? The whole point of libraries is that they're free. Free books. Free movies. Free CDs. Computer use. Talking books. Reference assistance. Research websites. That's the beauty of it all!

And yet, people still get surprised when they find out they don't have to pay for their ticket in - the library card.

A woman came in yesterday to get cards for her and her kids. After she had filled out the paperwork, she asked incredulously, "We don't have to pay anything?" Nope.

The other day, a boy came up to the desk to buy a candy bar (Oh, that's something else that costs something. Because it's a fundraiser). After he used his dollar, he suddenly looked down at the movies he had in his other hand and quickly asked, "How much are movies?" He got scared that he had used his dollar on a candy bar and now couldn't get movies! Don't worry, kid. For you? They're free.

So spread the word! Bookstores might be closing, prices might be climbing, but the library is still free. And how awesome is that?

Don't...Be...SCARED!

So, I have this fear.

Okay, not really a fear...an irrational concern?

Anyway, I have this weird thing about shower cutains. More specifically, people hiding behind them.

You can't see what's behind a lot of shower curtains. All you see is frolicking dolphins or blooming gardenias. ANYthing could be behind those curtains, people!

When I go into a bathroom I've never been in before, I have a tendency to, um, check behind the shower curtain.

Is this strange?

Better safe than sorry, though!

I don't know what it is about shower curtains, but I always think what if someone is standing here with me? but hiding behind the rubber duckies on that shower curtain? i should just fling it open and remove all doubt...

"AaaaaaHA!" Oh, never mind. Just shampoo bottles. Well, now I know for SURE, don't I?

What If...?

Have you ever wished you could be like somebody else?

That's kind of a silly question; of course you have. If you haven't, tell me your secret!

I've looked at certain types of people before and wanted to be like them. The types of people who never seem to worry. Who take life one moment at a time. Who can make friends with anyone, talk to anyone, figure out anything. And who don't seem to mind what others think of them.

I want to be that person so badly. Instead, I'm stuck with

Worry.

Doubt.

Anxiety.

Low Self-Esteem.

Guilt.

Full disclosure here: I care a LOT what people think of me. I worry that I'm not doing things right, that people are thinking less of me, that I don't know how to behave. I make myself sick over insignificant things, things that I know are stupid but things I can't help obsessing over.

I find myself alone, with the voice inside my head telling me I'll never get it right. Of course no one would accept me. Obviously what I said was stupid. And I'll listen to that voice until my stomach is all twisted and the fear rises in my heart.

In those moments, I must remember who is in control. And it's definitely not me.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

Fear of others will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

It's On the Tip of My Brain

I read the book. I contemplated good discussion questions. I researched the author's life.

Oh yeah, I was ready for this book club.

One thought kept nagging me, but I dismissed it. Surely, when the time came and I opened my mouth, I would know what to do.

I sat down with my group of faithful ladies, opened my folder and my mouth, and cringed.

It was that awkward moment when I realized I didn't know how to pronounce the author's name.

Maybe this isn't such a common problem, but for me, it happens all the time.

I read a lot (duh), and most times, character and author names never leave my brain. So when I do need to pronounce a word I've only read inside my head before, I might suddenly realize I'm not sure how to say it.

Awkward.

I am a librarian, I promise.

SAFTIG, VERKTYK, and BOFINK

A couple weekends ago, I got to visit the happiest place on earth.

IKEA.

I'm telling you, that is the place to be. What's not to love? The low prices. The cool-sounding Swedish product names. The people from all over the world shopping there. The room displays.

So much to look at! To sit on! To play with! To smell!

Okay, maybe not to smell. Unless you're over by the food...Swedish meatballs and lingonberries, anyone?

It's possible that I contemplated forgetting about the rest of my life and simply living in IKEA. It's easy enough to forget that you have a home to go back to when you're sitting on a kid's bunk bed and admiring all the storage space in decorative bins and racks.

The only problem I ran into when I was at IKEA was that I could only spend an hour there, due to circumstances beyond my control. Have you ever tried to be in and out of IKEA in under an hour? Well, it can be done. But not without heartache. It's tough, but if you need to go through quickly just follow the arrows on the floor and keep your eyes peeled for things you actually need.

Like this:



I mean, how do you walk past these guys? Must...have...cute...plasticware...

I had a very successful trip. Despite only being there an hour, I scored some great stuff for my new apartment. And there was only one disaster...a scary moment of almost doing the splits after slipping on what may or may not have been a lingonberry.

You've been to IKEA, right? If not, get yourself there! Then you'll understand...