It's Not You, It's Me

So, readers.

Have I ever told you how much I love you?

How I'm so grateful that you stick with me, even when sometimes I need to ease off blogging a bit while I get my life in order?

Oh, this would be one of those times.

Kind of feel like I just tossed fifteen juggling balls up in the air at once and now have to figure out how I'm going to balance them.

I will have order! I will perfect my schedule! I will balance work and school and everything in between!

But for now, bear with me. I don't want to just throw lame blog posts at you so I can say I am keeping up on here.

I need to find my rhythm, catch my stride. So the blog posts will be dwindling a bit until I can do that.

Now, enjoy this inspirational picture on the depth of my feelings for you.

Tea Time

The plan was to get right up today before work and work on a witty blog post for ya'll.

Instead, I spent seven minutes watching Alan Rickman make tea.



Now, normal speed!



I love, love, love Alan Rickman. Obviously because of the whole Severus Snape thing. But I also adore him in Sense and Sensibility.

I know these videos are old, but I only just found it!

Enjoy, and Happy Wednesday.

10 Things.

Here are 10 things to catch you up on my recent life:

1. Discovered that I could use a bit of weight training in my life. Enjoy pretending I have big muscles. Until some big guy shows me I really don't.

2. Went on a family vacation during the first week of the Olympics. Walked around tourist sites all day and tried to stay up late each night watching swimming and gymnastics. Pretended to be Michael Phelps in the hotel pool and discovered I need to spend more time on my arms (See #1).

3. Moved back in with my parents. Both because I enjoy their company AND....

4. Will be starting my master's degree next Monday. Online at the University of Pittsburgh. For Library and Information Science. (more on this later)

5. Preparing to start school again. Trying to resist buying too many new school supplies. Getting excited about studying at a different library near my house (NOT at the one I work at; that's weird).

6. Just finished rereading (rerererererereading?) the Harry Potter series. Read Deathly Hallows as slowly as I possibly could but it still ended. And now I'm not sure what to do with myself.

7. Tried running again. Got sore. Might just run a smidge so my knees don't hate me. Already lusting after new running shoes.

8. Ate a Mediterranean Veggie sandwich at Panera's. Going to attempt to duplicate it. Contemplating becoming a vegetarian....haha yeah RIGHT!

9. Went on an epic 4-hour-long shopping trip with my sister. Only fought once. Maybe twice. Mostly spent the time advising each other on outfits and finishing each other's sentences.

10. Paid about 17 bills all at the same time, including new tires (full story coming soon) and insurance and school and more car things...at least now all is squared away.

So yeah. Things have been crazy.

Hope you all had a nice summer; now it's winding down....booo.



Yeah, probably won't hear any of these things from your doctor. But then, I don't know your doctor. So who can be sure?

Mrs. Darcy

I know I keep writing about introverts. Deal with it. I'm trying to space these posts apart.

I've had a revelation.

Darcy is an introvert.



It's so obvious! There I was, rereading Pride and Prejudice for book club, and suddenly the pieces just clicked into place.

In the past when reading the book or watching the movies, I tended to see Mr. Darcy how Elizabeth did at first. I never considered his personality. However, introverts have been on my mind recently, so it's all clear now!

Poor Darcy, everyone thinking he's so full of it. I know people have thought me stuck-up before, since I tend to remain aloof. Things are happening inside introverts' heads, people! They may choose not to engage in meaningless conversation at social gatherings! And here's Mr. Darcy, choosing not to dance (though the gentlemen were scarce...) because his preference would be to have quality conversation with people he's already familiar with.

Um, let's see, how am I at parties...quietly in the corner, duh! Having a good time in my own way, or else escaping since I'm out of my element. Darcy, you're like my kindred spirit.

In the beginning of the book, Darcy is contrasted with his friend, Bingley. While Bingley finds friends wherever he goes and is basically the life of the party, Darcy is generally disliked and thought to be haughty. Bingley is the extrovert and Darcy is the introvert.

Hey, they're both great characters. And they need each other! After all, Bingley talks to many people with much ease, but Darcy is his most trusted friend. We see this when he takes Darcy's advise when it comes to Jane (side note: poor Jane, hiding her true feelings and not making it completely obvious she was falling for Bingley! introvert alert?).

Introverts are often misunderstood, especially because being an extrovert seems to be what's popular and desired. Darcy is misunderstood due to his quiet nature and judgments of people. He doesn't try to be more extroverted to fit in, he is who he is and doesn't seem to care when people criticize him for it. In Pride and Prejudice, people in Darcy's social circles were expected to be fun and talkative at parties. People who weren't were seen as awkward, and avoided.

"'I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,' said Darcy, 'of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.'"

I just think it's cool. I have not the talent either, Darcy. It's something I've just got to practice. Like Elizabeth said, she has to practice the piano because it's not something that comes naturally to her! Be who you are, but also pay attention to how you may come across.

It's Closing Time, Yo.

When I work at the library on Saturdays, it's usually pretty quiet. People drift in and out, study a bit, make a few copies, snag a movie for the night. But for some reason, around 4:45, fifteen minutes before we close, patrons decide to storm the doors. It has suddenly become a necessity to rush into the library: wild eyes darting around the shelves, relieved smiles when they see they have some time left.

No. No, no, no. We'd like to have everyone gone at 5, not have you read your newspaper until then before swinging by the men's room, thank you very much.

I don't have it much anymore, but when I worked in my college library I used to have this recurring nightmare. I would be walking around the library trying to close up and people would just keep coming in and coming in and I couldn't get anyone to leave. Students would keep wandering around trying to get books or study and I couldn't round people up to get out so I could go home.

Honestly, sometimes it's like herding cats trying to get patrons to vacate the premises. Seriously, all of a sudden the library is so important to you that you have to wait until 5:02 to attempt to check out your books?

And don't smile condescendingly like of course I know the library is closing when I remind you because you clearly. needed. a. reminder.

I'm so pleased you love your library and that you're visiting it. But we're open 71 hours a week. That's right, 71. Pick your time, my friend.

And if you do find yourself in a unique situation and have to run in at closing (our library is open until 9 on weeknights), it's nice to express how grateful and sorry you are. A little grovelling never hurt anyone, is all I'm saying.

I'm thankful I don't work in a grocery store or restaurant. I'm sure if I think getting people to leave the library is tough, these places have got to be worse. More people, more awkward situations, more late nights.

I try to be extra conscientious and leave early when I'm somewhere close to closing. These employees have lives, ya know!

My New Favorite Blog

Hey guys!

So recently I got connected with the writer of Introverted Blog, Joyce Akiko. Yup, it's exactly what you think it is. A whole blog devoted to introverts!

I can't get enough of the whole introvert subject, as you have probably figured out. I love especially reading other introverts' thoughts. Introverts tend to be good writers, you know...

Anyway, Joyce was kind enough to invite me to write a guest post on her blog. It's posted today! Check it out below.

http://www.introvertedblog.com/

I definitely recommend following her blog, especially if you're an introvert. She has good thoughts and practical suggestions.

Also... this is my first guest post! I'm a blogging celebrity!

Thank you, Olympics

Thank you, 2012 Olympics, for making sports simple and interesting to me.

You do this by:

- Making it obvious who to root for. No picking between random teams with random names, forced to choose based on color of uniforms alone. Instead...USA! USA!

- Exposing me to things I didn't know were sports, but are actually pretty cool. Synchronized diving, anyone? Craziness. Also, I was completely stumped when I saw what looked like basketball until someone threw the ball into a soccer goal. Um, confusion? Turns out it's handball. News to me!

- Showing the best of the best. If I don't want to see quarter or semifinals, I can skip right to the race for the medal! I only want to see the most important, most dramatic competitions!

- Making me feel like I can do anything. As I sit here eating my cookie, watching women rocket over hurdles, I think, Eh, maybe I'll give that a try, myself. I just love the irony of the people of the United States, the fattest nation in the world, plunking down every night to watch these feats of athleticism. Maybe the Olympics will inspire some exercise; we can only hope!

Thanks, Olympics!

INFJ

Ever heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? If not, read about it on Wikipedia (yay reliable sources!) here. Take an unofficial free online quiz to get your type here.

I know, I know. I write about being an introvert a lot. Well, I've been thinking recently about other aspects of my personality after reading an entire blog post about my Myers-Briggs type, INFJ. You can read that here. Apparently, it is the rarest type, containing about 1-3% of the population.

It was fascinating to read another person's writing on her personality and see it match so perfectly with mine. I've accepted the fact that I'm an introvert, but I've recently been having a hard time with the way that I am when it comes to making decisions.

For instance. I feel things very deeply. I am sensitive. I get hurt easily. I worry about what others think of me. I worry about other people. I hurt for other people. I wonder how my decisions will affect other people.

I have a difficult time stepping back and being logical, because I am feeling so much and wondering how other people feel.

This is a result of my last two letters, FJ. They stand for Feeling and Judging. I'm empathetic.

I've always sort of felt that this is a character flaw. I'm jealous of people who are more logical. Who don't seem to care what others think of them. Who don't worry. Here I am, taking on other people's problems as well as my own while over-analyzing interactions. Playing conversations over and over again in my mind, hoping that I come across well.

Goodness, even my blog is careful. I write to entertain, to make people smile. I stay away from controversy and my posts aren't typically very deep. If you're looking for personal thoughts and deep reflections, you've come to the wrong place. I don't easily "put myself out there," especially to a bunch of people that I don't know online. I'll share more one-on-one. Once we have built up a great deal of trust. The last thing I want is to be criticized when it comes to my thoughts and emotions. So I'm careful.

It was very comforting to read this post about this other INFJ woman. She understands what it's like to keep people at a distance. To choose not to share my true feelings, except to a very few. Under very special, specific circumstances.

It's kind of funny, caring about people so much from a distance. It might appear that I'm unconcerned. But I notice people's feelings more than I notice what color eyes they have. (Seriously, I don't know anyone's eye colors.)

When I was little, I remember having to leave the room while my family was watching a movie because I knew a certain part was coming up. It was a part where a character was embarrassed. I don't remember the particulars, but I remember feeling so strongly this character's embarrassment that I couldn't even watch it play out.

So it can be hard interacting with people. I'm an introvert, and I'm sensitive, and I care deeply how others feel and perceive me. This is especially difficult when I disagree with someone, as I despise conflict. However, I am able to identify with others. I know what I believe and I may disagree with you, but I can put myself in your place. And if it turns out I'm wrong about something, I'm mortified. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone, because I know how much I fear being hurt.

Wow, this is sort of deep. But it feels good to think through it, then write it down. And share it, cautiously, with you.

I'd encourage you to find out more about yourself. Really think about how you make decisions, how you interact with others.

And let me know your type below!

 

I'm, Like, So Stressed Right Now.

I don't want to be stressed.

I don't even want "stress" to be a real word.

I know I can't not have everything I don't want.
(Hopefully you weren't too stressed reading that sentence...)

I know that. But I don't want stress.

Why does it seem like a competition, people comparing their stress levels?

"Oh, I just haven't had time to do that. I'm so stressed."

"I'm stretched way too thin. Things are so stressful right now."

"Wow, must be nice to be able to have time to do that. I'm so busy and stressed I won't be able to rest until I'm dead."

Well, fine. I hope you're pleased with how stressed you are. Seriously. Are you pleased? Because you certainly seem to enjoy it. And use it as an excuse.

It seems that the problem in our country today (don't you just love sentences that begin like this?) is that stress is a mark of honor. The busier you are, the more harried you are, the less time you have...these are all good things! Things to be celebrated! Hooray for you and your hectic life!

This should not be. When I am stressed, I evaluate my life. What am I putting time and energy and worry into? Am I wasting time? Am I saying yes to too many responsibilities? Am I taking time to do the important things well, instead of dealing with them as afterthoughts?

I don't think we should be proud when we're stressed. I think we should slow down.